I haven't said I love you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
I haven't said I love you...
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 8:20pm

So a few weeks ago I posted my dilemma about my "boyfriend" who won't really commit to the term "boyfriend." If all goes as planned, he will leave for Scotland in three and a half weeks or so for grad school. I am also leaving for grad school. Also, this is my first relationship which is pushing 10 months.

Since I last posted, we have had some good breakthroughs, I believe. I can't help but break down randomly at the mention of us separating and finally really opened up about how I feel. Finally, I just told him that my heart is breaking and I don't know what to do since we are not in a "public" relationship.

I could tell this was really touching to him and since then, I think he is legitimately afraid that I am not going to handle it and leave. He has become much more affectionate and expressing his feelings. And I think the separation reality is beginning to affect him more.

That being said, he said that he was still on the level of having a "nifty" relationship, while I wanted an "uber nifty" relationship. Yeah...we are from Ohio to note the terminology. But he just wants to go slow and enjoy it. And he has been using "we" in talking about long term future things...careers, etc. I feel this is good.

I know the consensus seems to be that since this is my first relationship and a long, long distance one, that it probably won't work out. But I am determined to give it my best.

So....I am seeking some advice.

1.) I really do love him and I know that I am not going to get an I love you back, but is it selfish or wrong for me to tell him that I do? It just feels really important to me to tell him this in person before he leaves. And

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 3:10pm
I think you need to do what feels right for you. If you feel you will not get and I Love You back and can emotionally deal with that then do it. Maybe he will say it back! Either way if you don't do it you may regret it. Think about those things. Also these are your emotions and not his. This is all about you and you can change that. All you need to do it be positive. I have an article on my site that may help you. www.gethimtolikeyou.com I'll also offer a free coaching session if you want it. Hope this helps you :)
Ruth Bailey www.gethimtolikeyou.com www.personalquestcoaching.com