I know what is the right thing....
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I know what is the right thing....
| Sat, 10-08-2005 - 11:14pm |
Hello.... I've been dating, we'll call him effer, for a year and half. In April of this past year he asked me to move in, and I did, finally in August. Well, the middle of Sept, I came home one night upset, b/c he had been out with his drunk friend all afternoon and evening. We got into our first argument. He told me that he didn't think that it was a good move for me to move in, and that he wasn't happy. To give a little past history. Effer is 2nd time divorced, the first part of our relationship was open, we dated one another and others. We had many talks about what we wanted, and of course it always had to do with him not sure if he could ever have a committed relationship b/c of his last mariage and that he is an ice cube. Of course, we still dated. We spent almost everynight, day together. Well things went well while I lived there until the couple wks proir to the fight. I went through his phone, I know bad me, and found a girl that he talked to regularly. I asked him about her, "she's a friend". Yeah, 40 y/o with 3 kids and not even divorced yet. OH yeah, should I add that he sent the lady flowers and when the bill came in the mail he lied to me about it. I confronted him about it,and he said that it was just easier to do that, than to tell me b/c he saw how upset I got when the bill came. WTF. they're still talking and Im assuming dating. She even knew about me. You would think someone that had their husband cheat on them, would be less likely to mess with someone that is unavailable. Yeah, I know that its not all her fault. Well, the week following the fight was hard. I didn't know what emotions to have. I continued to stay at the house, and he played the concerned exboyfriend, that didnt like doing this but had too. He said that he didn't think the relationship was going anywhere...Why move me in then????. He didn't even tell his family, I did. He said that he kept me around, b/c I made him happy, that he liked being around me, I was fun, and blah blah. I asked him how long would he have let this go on until he said something,, he said that he was having a hard time b/c I didnt do anything wrong. Well, by the end of the wk, before he left for Taos, he told me to leave my stuff at the house and that we would take a break while we sorted all of this out...What does that mean? So, he goes to Taos calls while he is gone. Returns that Monday and I stayed with him. Then Thursday morning I went by the house to get shoes for work at 0730 and he was just coming home from going out the night before. He admitted to going out and sleeping with someone else...That girl that he was calling perhaps?? Then he freakin calls me at work an hour later to see if I made it to work ok, and to tell me that he wanted me to come by the house when I finished class so we could talk. I went over there mad, and began packing my stuff up. He talked to me, and told me that he didnt think that he would ever get married again, that something was just missing with us....Then why date for a year/half and move me in? Well, I had all my things out that wkend. I brought by some of his things that were mixed in with mine, and we talked about being friends, and playfully I made a remark about being "hot-bootie buddies", he agreed. Now, he calls everyday just to see what I am doing, which he was doing prior to friends talk. When we talk he makes remarks about if I saw that it was him calling would I answer the phone. He's made remarks when we've gone to eat together with friends that I can talk to my boyfriend at the table, if I go to the bathroom. I just dont get it, and Im not sure if I ever will!!!! I know that hes a self-centered @ss probably wanting his cake and eat it too. So I guess I am wanting to know y'all opinion.... Why does it continue to call, I dont call him. Why if he knew that this relationship wasn't going anywhere, why move me in?

Sounds like you are starting to see this guy for what he is. You've a right to be angry!
Having been in similar situations, I've used the energy from being angry to help fuel a move away from the cheat! If hes cheating now, It is a real gamble to trust him later.I'd bring some of your friends along on apartment hunts and get yourself set up with a nice place that's just right for YOU. Forget this guy!
Good luck.