I lost the man i was supposed to marry

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
I lost the man i was supposed to marry
16
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 10:06pm

Well, my friend advised me to come to the cosmo site to get advise from other women! I drive her crazy all day at work with my cries and questions!
But this is the situation, My boyfriend (ex now) and i had been dating for 8 months now. He was a great boyfriend to me, something i am not used to. He would call me all day, see me all the time, buy me gifts, he got along great with my family everything was just wonderful. We even spoke about marriage, he told me i was the girl he was looking for his whole life and that he was so happy to had found me! I felt like my life was finally coming together! We told each other everything! We really were bestfriends. Until stupid me went out of control! My good friend (girl) and I went out one night, we got so drunk! And we ended hooking up(had sex)! I felt guilty but at the same time i felt like i could tell my boyfriend that that happend and he would get over it! But i was wrong!!!!!!!! He lost it! He broke up with and accused me of cheating (although it was with a girl)! I explained to him that it didnt mean anything to me at all(which its true) and to please forgive me! He said i had broken the bond we had, and that it didnt matter it was with a girl, and that the fact that it was with a good friend of mine made it worst because we would always be in each others life and he would always have to wonder if we are hooking up when we hang out! I told him it was a night of stupidity and that it would never happen again, that i owuld even drop my friendship with her! He wont forgive me! I am DEVASTED!!! I cant function! He says we could remain friends, so i would text and call him and he would respond but this weekend that stopped! Now he is not talking to me @ all! And i dont know what to do!!!! What should i do? Should i continue calling and insisting to be heard although i apologized and swore to him i would never do something like that again, or should i just let him be for now? I dont want to be with out him, he is my heart, my everything! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED! what do i do?

Please Help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 2:30pm
One thing I think the both of you should try and work on....is forgiving yourself. That's a big huge step and it will bring you more peace than you can imagine. Even more so, then if he forgave you.


Edited 10/5/2005 2:31 pm ET ET by inkeddogmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 2:50pm
I know you are right. I try and forgive myself but it's hard when he brings up his pain because then I feel guilty. I was proud of myslef yesterday though because he mentioned something about me being a cheater and he was like right? Looking for validation and I said no wrong...that was me a year ago and I learned my lesson so get over it already! He had nothing left to say after that : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 5:03pm
Very good reply. I have to say, if HE keeps bringing it up, then HE hasn't forgiven you and I hope you're not back with him, because there's no point if he can't forgive and let it go (aka forget). If he brings it up to hurt you, then you both have to relive that pain, and I really did like your answer. Cuz you DON'T have to validate it, cuz you HAVE changed. See, I think you HAVE forgiven yourself (as much as you can) :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 9:40am
I think I have too. Thanks : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 10:25am

well, well, My guy called me last night, and apologized for not answering my calls or text. I couldnt believe what i was hearing when he called! He says he knows he said we could be friends and that for now for us to take things slow because he loves me and he does want to be with me but he needs to get over my mistake.

I was so relieved and thankful to god for sending him back to me! He is mature enough to accept the facts and work on getting over them without hateful words towards me or treating me like sh*t !

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 2:51pm
I'm sooooo happy for you! So now you coming to NY for Halloween?

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