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| Fri, 06-03-2005 - 12:16am |
My best friend is a guy. He also happens to be an ex, but we worked through things and are now REALLY close. We can talk on the phone for hours at a time and confide in each other. However b/c of his job, I haven't seen him in a year and a half since we are literally living on different continents, though he is coming to town next week for vacation...
Now...my question: Last week, he told me I'm perfect and he still loves me. WHY would he tell me he loves me NOW?? But then says we can't be together because he can't treat me the way I deserve..? He calls me honey and sweetheart all the time, says he loves me more than I'll ever know, but he says "I just don't think its on a "relationship" type deal right now".... Can someone translate for me?? If it has anything to do with the distance, why doesn't he just come out and say that??
All opinions appreciated...I would ask him but don't want to pester him about it anymore.
Edited 6/3/2005 12:21 am ET ET by texasgirl2007

My thoughts are that he feels about you the way the second guy I lived with felt about me.
He was a great guy we were together for three years. Around the end of year one I started to feel that if he hadn't figured out I was the one for him yet then he probably never would. But he kept telling me he loved me and that he couldn't imagine being without me and that I was the best girlfriend he'd ever had.
I exerted some pressure that we should move the relationship forward. We moved in together. Still no signs of him thinking of marriage. Finally, I told him I needed him to stop coasting and really think about whether he could see us building a few together as a team including getting married some day.
When the jury was in he couldn't. He cried. I cried. I sincerely believe it wans't much easier for him then it was for me. I believe he sincerely loved me, but there was just something missing, something he needed that he couldn't name and I couldn't give. I tried to deny it but looking back my gut told me it was true, I knew soemthing wasn't quit right too. I just didn't want to see it so I ignored it.
We ended things and remained friends for a while. Then he got serious about someone and she was uncomfrotable with him remaining friends with someone he had a serious relationship with. I understood, after all, I'm a woman too and I know it would be a struggle for me if I was in her position. I called him shortly after the war in Afganistan started (about six months after we last spoke) he was in the National Guard and I just wanted to know he was okay.
He was and he had married the girl. It stung the old ego a bit. You always wonder why, if he loved me, he couldn't have loved me like he loved her, what's wrong with me. But I was also happy he found that someone and after a couple of hours feeling sorry for myself I realized that if he had found a person that was right for him it was only a matter of time and effort before I found it too.
I couldn't tell you to save my life why it didn't work out with him. It just didn't. It wasn't becasue we didn't love each other or we fought or we were too young. There was just something missing. I don't know what it was.
The good news is I eventually found someone right for me someone that offers me that thing that was missing (though I still can't tell you what it is). I guess it'll just have to remain one of the mysteries of life.
I think your friend feels about you what my ex felt about me. He loved me. HE sincerely loved and cared for me. There is no doubt in my mind he did. BUT, something just wasn't right, something was missing. He couldn't marry me becasue he was a good guy and he did love me and he didn't want to deny himself or me the opportunity to go out there and find that missing thing.
I always be greatful to him for all I learned from him and for letting me go so I could find the love I have now. I wish we could have stayed in touch, but that's just life, soemtimes the people you love drift out of your life, but new ones come in.
I hope you two can remain good friends, but IF it was me (which ofcourse it isn't) I would keep things as friends and move on romantically.
~pineapple_girl