I need advice
Find a Conversation
I need advice
| Sun, 04-16-2006 - 4:22pm |
Hello I just want to say that I love older women. I am only 18 right now but I think Im in love with one of my college professors! She is in her 40s and she is very beautiful and confident. Well anyways I have never asked out an older woman and I was wondering if someone could give me advice on how to get a woman who is about 20 years older than I am. I really think she is the one but I just dont know how to approach her. I also dont want to ruin our relationship. What should I do?? Any advice would be appreciated.

It would be extremely unprofessional of her to date a student. She could also loose her job. If you truly care for her, don't put her in this position.
Find someone who is not in a position of trust.
Actually it is. It's the LAWS business. Most universities and schools have laws that state that a professor can NOT date or otherwise be "involved" with a
<< Well anyways I have never asked out an older woman and I was wondering if someone could give me advice on how to get a woman who is about 20 years older than I am. >>
Well, you could try online dating ... and look for matches on women who are into younger guys. At least that way, you'd know you're looking for the same things.
BUT, as for this particular woman, I'd agree with the others in that it IS other people's business ... universities have rules about dating students. And, I can guarantee you that her career is going to win out, hands down, over the prospect of dating a student.
So, save yourself the heartache and forget about your professor. If you really want to try dating older women, look outside of the "student/professor" realm. As someone who is almost 20 years older than you, personally ... I wouldn't "go there" ... as I wouldn't have much if anything in common with an 18-y/o. But, if that's what you want to try to do ... I'd suggest going online.
Good luck.
He said << Hello I just want to say that I love older women >> and asked << I have never asked out an older woman and I was wondering if someone could give me advice on how to get a woman who is about 20 years older than I am. >>
That said, who am I to say that he shouldn't want to date older women ... if that's his preference. You're speaking as though I'm saying this to a 14-y/o! He's 18 ... he's legal and can pursue or be pursued by whomever he chooses. It's not immoral nor am I going to judge him for it. Is he mature enough for it? Probably not ... but, legally, there's nothing or no one who says he can't.
Might it be a disaster? Sure, the odds are not in his favor. But, life is about experience ... the good and the bad ... and if he wants to pursue a 40-y/o woman ... that's his lesson to learn. Might he encounter some weirdos? Sure! He could encounter some weirdo 22-y/o women, too ... there's no age restriction on weirdos out there, obviously.
As for << I really think she is the one but I just dont know how to approach her. I also dont want to ruin our relationship. What should I do?? Any advice would be appreciated.>>
It was my also my advice to NOT pursue this particular older woman ... but, if he wants to give older women a try, in general ... who am I or anyone else to say he shouldn't ... so, long as he knows what he's up against (ie, the odds of anything meaningful coming of it are slim to none).
Hello, I really appreciate all of the advice that is given. I really dont want her to lose her job or anything bad to happen but at the same time I will never forgive myself if i let this one slip away. I think I will tell her how I feel and see what happens form there. she is a really smart woman and Im sure she is quite aware of whatever stupid laws or rules may be out there. I know she will make the right decision for herself at this point in her life. Whether it be me or her career I will respect whatever she decides to go for.
Some of you think that it wont work out between an 18 year old and a 39 year old but if you have never dated someone drastically older or younger than you how do you know it wont work? I am very mature and I know exactly what Im up against. I know it is a social taboo but I think more older women (not married) should go for younger guys. We are young,ambitious,energetic, and capable of providing just as much as the older guys.Isnt that what women want in a relationship??
<< but if you have never dated someone drastically older or younger than you how do you know it wont work?>>
I once dated someone who was 12 years older than me, when ... umm, let's see ... about 24. It didn't work out. Why? Because we were at two different stages of our lives. I was new to my career, he was established. He was divorced, had a lot more life experience, I'd only had one serious relationship before (I don't count the relationship I had in HS, though ... at the time, sure ... it seemed serious ... but, if I count my relationships, now ... at this point of my life ... I don't even count anything that happened before 18). And yes, I was always "mature" for my age, too ... not so much in the experience-arena when I was younger, but in a "your wise for your age" type of way. I have an "old soul" ... always have, even in HS, the petty HS stuff would just seem petty to me.
Now, my BF is 9 yrs older than me ... not "drastically" older ... but, at our age ... an age difference is not a big deal. Why? Because we both have life and relationship experiences under our belts. I suppose if you were emancipated at 15, and had been on your own for a few years ... or if you'd graduated from HS early, went to college and were exposed to a more mature crowd than your age peers ... it COULD make a difference to have had some "real world" experiences to bring to the table.
Anyway, some people don't have to experience this to know ... I mean, if it WORKED ... wouldn't we see A LOT more successful May/December (older/younger) marriages and relationships? Reality is, we don't ... because people who are 18 and 38 just don't have THAT much in common ... in interests or in experiences.
<< We are young,ambitious,energetic, and capable of providing just as much as the older guys.Isnt that what women want in a relationship?? >>
I don't want to discourage you ... you should "go for it" ... it would be denying yourself your desires to not go for it... and learn from it. But, as for what you said above ... as for "what women want" ... I think if you asked 10 different women, you'd get 10 different answers. Women do not want the all the same things ... any more so than men all want the same things in a woman. In my list of "wants" ... young, ambitious, energetic and capable of providing aren't on my list ... age has never been a factor, per se; I'd subsitute ambitious for "having goals" ... which isn't necessarily the same as "ambitious" (and believe me, I've dated "ambitious" guys ... and most are much more interested in winning and too competitive by nature for me); energetic ... well, I don't want to be with a wet-blanket ... but, I'm not the type of person who always has to be "on the go" and doing stuff ... so, high energy isn't important to me b/c I'm a pretty relaxed, easy-going person ... as for capable of providing ... sure, I'm sure a lot of women will say they want "security" ... but, ALWAYS ... a women in today's day and age needs to be able to provide for and be secure within herself and her ablities ... personally, I've set myself up in a way that I don't/won't NEED a man to provide for me ... I own my own home, my own business ... this alone FREES ME UP to date whom I choose without having the caveat of providing for me ... for reasons of love, more than providership or money ... the only thing I'd want, along these lines, is that he is able to bring his contribution to the table ... it doesn't have to be more than what I earn or bring it ... it doesn't have to compensate for or provide for me ... it just has to be his share).
So, as you can see ... there are a lot of variables ... every woman has different wants and needs. We're not all cut from the same cloth.
Good luck to you.
>>We are young,ambitious,energetic, and capable of providing just as much as the older guys.Isnt that what women want in a relationship??<<
No offence mate, but I'm 38, and no it's not what I want in a relationship. I want where you'll be at in another 25 years.
I want someone who's done with travelling and is ready to settle down with a family. I'm after someone who is financially secure (not necessarily rich) with a good credit rating. I don't want someone who's ambitious - I want someone who's already made it and who can hand over being "on call" to someone else working their way up. Ambition takes commitment to one's job, but it eats into one's lifestyle. So someone who has the ideals of family man is far more attractive to me.
And I want someone with life experience. Someone who's made their share of mistakes and who has learned from them. Intelligence and ambition does count for a lot, but life experience is of equal importance to someone my age.
Speaking of life experience, your comment about "stupid laws" shows your innocence in the ways of the world. (no offence intended) They are not silly laws - they are sensible laws designed to protect people from being exploited by those in a position of trust. And believe me, people can and do get exploited by those in positions of trust.