I need some suggestions please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
I need some suggestions please.
6
Sun, 10-02-2005 - 5:32pm

I am really getting very tired of this emotional roller coaster my boyfriend is putting me on.

Have any of you ever dated a moody man?

Again, he is playing this distancing thing. Last week was wonderful. Everytime things start to go really well between us, he pulls this. I haven't seen him since Wednesday night/Thursday morning and we usually get together on Sunday night after his kids leave. I called him and he basically said he was going on a motorcycle ride tonight with his friends, he didn't want company later, doesn't feel well, etc. I told him that I'm disappointed that I wouldn't be seeing him tonight and he didn't even reply. So we just hung up after saying a wimpy goodbye.

I decided to call him back and ask him to be very honest with me and tell me what's the matter. His mood swings are just so dramatic. He said he is just tired and that nothing is wrong. He said he knows he is being distant and that's just the way he is. I asked him if he felt he could talk to me if something was wrong and he said, "definitely". I told him to have a good night and hung up.

Something is going on and he just won't tell me. I do think he gets depressed on Sundays as I do quite often. In fact we both have that in common. But, the problem is that seeing him helps me and he often wants to be alone. Coupled with the fact that he is working long hours and will be for the next two weeks or so.

I don't know what to do if he won't talk to me. I love him so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 10-02-2005 - 6:32pm
Maybe he is just an introvert and needs a lot of time to himself? I'm an introvert and just being around people can make me feel stressed and exhausted - but I wouldn't call it moodiness. It's just that I need to be alone to de-stress myself. If this bothers you a lot you might want to find yourself an extravert or find someone else to spend time with when your guy needs to be alone. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 10-02-2005 - 8:03pm
Yes, I think you're right.....my worry comes with the fact that his behavior has changed so dramatically lately. He keeps a lot inside. I wish he'd talk to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 11:04am
I agree. Some people like to go into their cave and destress. It can be stressfulfor the partner because we feel shut out. It looks as though this is just a quality of his and youneed to either take it or leave it. I find it very hard to deal with people like this. I feel it makes them shady and not very capable of coping with matters. Just keep in mind that this is a quality that you can not change and so you need to ask yourself if its bareable to you or not. Best wishes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 1:26pm
You said you're tired of his emotional rollercoaster and he's had significant changes in his personaolity so obviously it's more than just him being introverted. I know it's hard because you love him so much but you would probably benefit from taking a step back and looking at the relationship.
Look at what you get out of it, where you stand on his priority list (with kids involved, this is an important one), how you feel when you're with him and why you are really in this relationship. Is it more or less than what you believe you deserve? Do you believe you're worthy of a good, stable relationship? You may have to let him go a little and see what happens. This can be really scary but also very refreshing for you and maybe him, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 8:45pm
I actually went to B & N and read *He Said, She Said* tonight. That book mirrored our relationship exactly. I realized that I tend to end up with men like that. It made me realize that I do indeed need to end things. As hard as it will be to do this, there is no further answer. He will not change. And I will continue to react in an unhealthy way when this happens. I am extremely sad but have to face the truth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 3:08am
hey there.
my significant other is the same way....kind of. he would spend 3 to 7 days with me and after that he'd leave and doesn't want to see me for a week. i was annoyed at first because i really like spending time with him, and vice versa. whenever i want to see him, he'd say that time apart is healthy for our relationship. it's a subtle way of saying....i want time alone (to watch football) and hang out with the boys. men like their space.
how long have you guys been together by the way?