I snooped and look...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
I snooped and look...
2
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 9:15pm

what I got for it. My story is in "taking it to the next level." I found out the guy that I have a date with in two weeks has been going out with someone else. Maybe more than one person. The guy that set us up is supposed to be a mutual friend, but he's really only a friend to the guy I want to meet. This so-called friend that set us up (I'll call the snake) never wanted to set us up in the first place. My guess is that he didn't want to lose me as a occasional sex partner (he has been using me for sex for about a year).

I had been IMing and e-mailing this guy for a couple of weeks now and I felt that the talks were really going well, but he now seems cold. I contacted him by IM this morning and his response was "I have to go now, sorry, but I will be on later." Well, he was on later, but failed to answer a message I sent to his personal e-mail address asking how he was doing. Nothing. No reply.

He did do this last week though (waited 2 days to get back to me). When I called him on it, he apologized.

Anyway, so here we are. I'm supposed to go out with this guy in 2 weeks and this mess is going on. I don't trust the snake. The snake has been asking me about my intentions with this guy (i.e. if I plan to have sex with him) and I just don't trust him. My guess is the snake told this guy I was only after one thing and he probably told this guy I was whore. Even though the snake is a wanna be player that sleeps with anything that crawls, as long as she's black. Seriously. And the snake is very slick: when I asked him if I should e-mail this guy my phone number, the snake answered "yes."

So, what should I do? Should I ask this guy what's going on? or not? Should I confront the snake? Or should I just sit back and wait for the other shoe to drop (for this guy to cancelt the date on me)?

All advice appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 10:30pm
Hello imhealing2004... i think you shouldnt contact the guy for nothing. obviously as of now you should consider the date canceled thats what i would do their is no communication what so ever. luckily you didnt have time to really fall for the guy so you can easily drop him as if you never spoke. what makes me alittle weary though is the fact that this guy youre planning on dating is friends with someone youre continously having sex with knowing that youre being disrespected and not taken seriously, youre being used. so that guy might have already a not so good impression of you whatever impression that friend of yours mightve given off he most probably didnt speak highly of you. i think thats going to be drama waiting to happen for you seriously ive put myself in situations that were dramatical and i do regret them but i cant turn back time but i also didnt have anybody help me through those times either. you can stop yourself from making certain mistakes and i think that is going to be a mistake. dont fool yourself. this seems like it really is going to be a dramatical situation why bother dating a guy whose friends with the person youre being used by sexually??? he might not end up respecting you at all. if i may ask why are you still having sex with that guy that ur getting used by?? why would you want to continue contact with him knowing he has no respect for u?? why dont you move on from that part of your life and meet other men that know how to treat women??? please dont get annoyed by my questions im just curious
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 11:43am

my two cents,

get BOTH men out of your life and move on. a man can't "use" you for a year. at that point, you are ALLOWING him to use you. WHY! as for the guy you're supposed to go out on a date, um, him dating around isn't a crime, however, if you don't trust the snake, why would you go out with his friend?

i'm not sure how old you are, but when i was in my late teens, my bf at the time bragged about me and well, they started TRYING to pass me around. I was young, stupid. I had slept with my bf, and then his friend (cheating), and then I started having their friends hitting on me, etc. I guess, it got around I was some whore, so they'd hit me up.

So, get out of the situation completely. stop talking to the new guy, stop interacting and having sex with the snake. don't put yourself in this situation at all.

good luck.