I think I am finally going to end it
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I think I am finally going to end it
| Fri, 03-10-2006 - 11:38am |
Well I'm sure some of you have read my posts before. In case you haven't, I'm with a guy of 5 and half months and was completely confused. I wasn't sure if I was in love, and he was and I was always questioning why I was with him. Well, I finally think I am going to end it. I just really need to, it's for the best because it's not fair to him. I told him I wanted a break but I am just going to fade things out gradually and when he wants an upfront answer I will tell him, but with him I have to do it this way because he is obsessed and super clingy. I have tried breaking up with him before but I always went back and it was because I didn't have anything else. I feel SO bad because I made a relationship happen and I don't even know why. From the beginning it just didn't feel right and everything felt forced. I kept convincing myself he is great and it will work but that's just not right. Basically I am here to see if anyone else has been in this situation, where either a guy was completely in love with you and you weren't, or you had a relationship but never really felt anything or you just hurt a guy really bad. It seems like the guy is always the one to do these things, like he is the one to hurt the girl and the girl is the one begging him and doing everything she can for him to treat her well. But he was the one treating me well and doing everything for me. I'm pretty sure I am doing the right thing, because he is a really good guy and I don't want to give him false hope. He needs to find someone to treat him like he deserves, although I am his first love and will break his heart into pieces, it will tear his world apart, and I HATE knowing that, but what can I do? I mean I can't be with him just because I feel bad. It is going to feel so good to end this confusion and mess...but I just hate knowing it will hurt him so bad, I did a terrible thing, I was with him and gave him a lot of false hope. So like I said, Is there anyone that can relate? give advice? give an input? Another thing that is hard is that we were super close, inseperable for 5 months, so that will make it tough. Can anyone give me any post break up pointers? How to get over this, and take my mind off this...Should I keep in touch, not talk for a while and then see how he is doing. I am so new to this it's not even funny...Thanks...

It's safe to say we've all been on both ends of a situation that "just didn't feel right" for one individual or the other.
You are doing the right thing by not stringing him along any further, but I'm sure you needed some time to examine your own feelings before you made your decision. Analyzing feelings is a natural, normal part of being in a relationship. While you're at it, it's best to gently deliver the message of truth - that maybe he should give a relationship *time* to grow, build in some space. He will appreciate the truth, and it will help speed up his healing process. If he actually applies your kindhearted guidance to his next effort, he'll be that much happier because his relationship will have a better chance for success. Let him go to work this out for himself.
You're probably feeling guilty right now, that you are about to hurt someone's feelings. Upfront, you most certainly will. In time, he will come to realize that the signs were always there, and he probably hung in there for the same reasons we all do - being with someone feels better than being alone.
But we all know the truth. Why tie yourself to someone that's not quite "right" for us when that opportunity for true happiness is still out there.
In time, he too will realize this. Best to you both!
If you don't want to give him false hope, then you need to contact him and tell him you don't want to continue the relationship in any way anymore. It is not appropriate and certainly not fair to him to just fade away and let him stay hopeful about the two of you any longer, now that you have made your decision. I know it's not easy and can be awkward, but it is the right and mature thing to do. You'll feel much better after it's done. And once you tell him, you can block his email, number, etc.
I know breakups and hard, but both you and he will be better off in the longrun. You deserve to find someone you can love, and he deserves to be with someone who loves him.
Best of luck.