I think I've met the one... But I'm scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2012
I think I've met the one... But I'm scared
5
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 8:12pm

Hey guys,

Almost a year ago, I met this guy.. I was with someone for about 3 years at the time. Me and this guy made eye contact and I felt my heart skip a beat. I didn't think much of it cuz I was with someone and also I had just met this guy. Time went on, we'd flirt and have great chemistry... He was respectful of me (something my ex was not always), and it was just so natural like I don't even have to try... Anyway, I was supposed to get married in 2 months but I called it off, not because of this guy , but because of other major reasons I will not get into now. Once that burden was off my shoulder, my future was all of a sudden clear. I have honestly never felt this way before. I could go into details about how we flirt and the body language but I won't. We come from different backgrounds but our goals in life are pretty much in sync with the other. He is the first person I think about when I wake up in the middle of the night, unintentionally, and the last person  I think about before going to bed. Recently, after he found out about my split, he seems to be opening up to me more, but now is talking about these girls that like him (he messed around with them) that he is trying to tell them he's not interested. Idk if this means anything, like why would he tell me??  I am in love with this guy so much that I can't tell him my feelings. i dont know how to explain this but when you've found the one person that can give meaning to your life and you can finally see a clear future with , all your questions have been answered in this person, you just become frozen. I actually didn't want children until I met him...I cannot mess this up. He's the kinda guy that would ask a girl out if he likes her... He isn't explicit around me about what he did with these other girls, its really sweet. .He won't tell me details, in fact, he uses PG terms when talking about anything sexual ... It's kinda funny... I assume he was trying to make me jealous to see how I'd respond, but I kept it cool... Anyway, please let me know what I should do next! We get into some deep conversations, he's told me stuff about his family, good and bad...I feel like I know a lot about him and we connect very well... 

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 11:40am

I think you are really, really getting ahead of yourself to think that you could know this guy is "the one" when you haven't even dated.  Right now you have a crush on him.  I think the first step should be to try to get him to ask you on a date.  Once you have been in a relationship for months or preferably over a year, then you can decide if he's the one for you.  I do wonder why he is telling you about girls who like him.  In fact, I'd ask him that directly "why are you telling me this?  I'm not that  interesting in hearing about your love life with other women."  And you say he "messed around" with them and then he wonders why they like him?  To me that sounds like a man who is a player or who uses women.  If he's not interested in these women, shouldn't he not be fooling around with them at all? I'd be very cautious with someone like that.  And then you say that he would ask a girl out if he likes her--so if he's not asking you out, then doesn't that mean he's not interested in you?  Or do you think because you just split with someone else, that has something to do with it?

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  This sounds like you are in the throws of an hormone storm.  I suggest that these "happy" feelings are not real but infatuation.  That is ok.  We all go through this.  Chemistry can only go so far.  

When people say things like " I actually didn't want children until I met him.."  they need a real ck on reality.  That sound like infatuation with cultural influences.  These can lead to great unhappiness and anger later in life.  Being scared is your body/mind putting some caution about "jumping" into what they believe is "love".

  I do disagree with Music on the Messed around with women.  Of course he has dated,had sex,with other women.  People like sex so that is not to be held against him.  No they(all sexes) do not need to be in love to enjoy sex.  Many people feel that it is very impolite and or embarrassing to discuss in detail other people that they have dated or had sex with.  Respect can be a block to communication as the other person's want  for details is not addressed.  However,that is an issue to put on the table as there will be time when passion is truly wanted. 

     I strongly suggest to enjoy these feelings.  It is part of being human.  But make no quick decision about the rest of your life.

  One thing there is no such thing as the "one".  There really are the many.  With billions of people on this planet there are many possibilities.

 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2012
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 10:31pm
First try talking about how he feels about a relationship with you. I know if can be difficult because not knowing his response can be scary. Men don't communicate we'll and don't open up but hopefully he says he would like to get to know you better. Open up to him but only a little at a time. Good luck! I posted a ques also on here can you respond if you understand it
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 11-25-2012 - 10:42am

Mtay-

Hi. Like Musiclover12, I sense this guy is a player. Also, he seems to have too easy a time getting women into bed. If things come too easily, a person won't put effort in. He isn't a good bet for a relationship, IMO. Think of all the sexy movie stars whose marriages never last. They don't work on their relationships because they can just snap their fingers and immediately find someone else who is hot.

Also, you have just been his friend for a year. He hasn't given you any indication he wants more. To paraphrase a common saying, don't count your eggs until you've been laid!!!

For these reasons, I would not get your hopes up with this guy.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 10:11am
I have a great test to see if the universe has spoken and you are cosmically meant to be together for ever and ever and one day be sitting back on rocking chairs with the grandkids....are you two even dating each other regularly yet? No?
 
Then I would be scared too with the high amount of expectations and hopes you have placed onto one guy who you are not even dating, let alone having a relationship with. The thing about placing high hopes on one person is that you eventually find out that they are just a person with a lot of faults and ugly sides, and little of what you thought they were. It's a big disappointment.
 
It sounds like you had an unsatisfying relationship, probably have been wishing for a long time for some things to have been different in that relationship and have placed those hopes onto this guy. It's easy to do with a person who you don't really know. Bet he looks good too. So the hormones are happy, that is all it is right now, until you get to know him for real.
 
The fact that he is talking about other women to you makes it sound like either - he is insecure and trying to overcompensating for that, or is trying to make it sound like it's a privilege to sleep with him, or he sees you as a buddy or he's just kind of a dufus. If this were a novel, this things would be called - foreshadowing. That's used to show what to expect from a character in the future
 
Anyway, I'm just posting this for the future - you're way too magicalitized to derail now and in a way, that's really nice and fun to be floating on such a high.
 
But these things rarely work out for the reasons above, and come crashing down. So if that does and you end up wondering reasons for how it all didn't work out or how you might have got so caught up in it, this post is to give possible reasons why.