i want to break up 3yr relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
i want to break up 3yr relationship
1
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 10:58pm
Hey guys, this thought has been basically swirling around in my head since we first got back together. My bf and i have been together for the last 10 months. We dated prior off and on for the last three years. At one time in the beginning it was pretty seriously and we were engaged. He broke it off twice both times lasted two months. Well now im pregnant wih his child Im 23 going on 24. He will be 27. Im 18 weeks along. And it has really made me stop and think about us and the mess hes put me though. Call it my ego, but i have still not recovered from him breaking my heart two years ago. This last time was mutual due to other conflicting issues. I drew it out to being off for two months till we got back together. At the time especially the first time the pain and emotional roller coaster was unbareable. I wonder how i ever got through it. But now im so happy it happened because i really "lived my life" while we were apart. If that would have not happened I would have been so caught up in being in a relationship that i would have never really experienced what i have now. And im so grateful for that. Heres where the advice is needed....... As i believe and always believe anyone who has it in them to leave u behind, fully excepting when they do that, that u would no longer and may never be a part of their life. Can not possibly truely love you. Yes, they may love you to an extent. But there will always be someone else out there that could love u more, treat u better, and be more unconditional, then the person before could have ever been. you will always be disposible.
There is mostly nothing this man will not do for me. Yes he has his bad sides, and quirks but so does everyone else. But i just cant shake this notion. That he will never love me that way i deserved to be loved. This all has sparked since realizing today that the engagement ring that he bought when we first where together was bought TWO YRS ago. And that it has almost been TWO years since we got engaged. No we are not engaged. Im freaked because im scared to death of being 24. I dont know where the time went. And i look at this relationship and wonder where the heck if anywhere it will go. Im so much smarter now at 23 then i was back when i was 20. And i kinda wish that i know all that i know now three years ago. I really interested on hearing someone who is older hence wiser then me on my situation. Because Im sure when i am 30+ I'll be looking back to this time and wishing id know what i know then. thanks guys!!! And i know that i have a baby on the way but in all honestly if its not meant to be this should not keep me with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 2:31pm
Are you planning on keeping the baby and have you 2 discussed the situation that when you have the baby what part of yours and the baby's life is he going to play? Do you guys plan on getting married, etc etc. There are a lot of questions to ask yourself and him. I do agree though that a baby should not be the reason to keep a relationship if you know that it's not the right one. I would however, talk to him more about things, communicate as much as you can and maybe go to counseling and see if you guys can work together to make things better since you both have a huge responsibility on your hands now. Try to get to the bottom of why you don't feel like he loves you in the way that he should and determine why he's giving you these sorts of signals. If this is not possible even after counseling and communicating then it's probably best to move on. It wouldn't be fair to the child to see his or her parents not getting a long and growing up in a less than nurturing environment. I hope this helps. I've never been a parent but I've certainly gone through my fair share and more of long term relationships and have learned from each one of them. Good luck