I want a break from him
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| Mon, 03-07-2005 - 10:18am |
I just don't know how to do it. I've been with my bf for 1.5 years. He moved in with me in July and ever since, things have changed. He's never home. He doesn't spend time with me unless I make him. And even then, he's on the phone making plans with his friends for when I let him go. He's laid off for the winter right now so he stays out late every night and is never ready for bed when I am. So I always go to bed alone and he comes home some time in the middle of the night.
Last night he came home to eat and have sex with me, which was about an hour and a half total. When we were done, he started getting dressed and said he had to go. I got mad and told him I felt like a stop-over in between his friends'. He actually said he wouldn't have come home if his other friend had called earlier. I told him he shouldn't of even bothered coming home. Then, he made a production of getting his cell phone out and saying he'd cancel his plans because he had to stay home with me. I told him to go. He shouldn't feel like he HAS to stay with me. He should want to. But he never does.
I'm sick of wasting my time. I'm 29, already divorced, no kids, and I want a husband, house, kids, all of that. I really thought my bf was the one. But ever since we started living together its like i don't matter to him.
Every time he calls me from one of his friend's houses, he's watching movies with them. If I want to watch a movie with him, he gets all antsy and can't even sit still. He used to smoke pot alot and I finally told him he needed to stop. I think he still smokes at his friend's houses, which is why I'm never invited and why he's always over there. I've never found anything in my apartment but I'm sure he keeps drug stuff in his truck because we never take his truck anywhere, always my car.
So, I want to break up with him. I just don't know how. I know he has no money to find an apartment on his own. And his credit is shot. I feel like telling him to go live with one of his friends since he's over there so much anyway.
Does anybody have any advice? I hate confrontation. I've thought about breaking up with him so many times but I always give him just one more chance. I don't want to anymore though.
TIA

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ITA.
And I do think he'll have MANY choices of places to live. He's with his friends so much, Im sure they'll all pitch in and allow him to stay with them. If not, oh well, it's not YOUR FAULT he has no job, isn't looking to get a part-timer, or even temp job. And not your fault his credit is screwed.
Hugs. I would just tell him it's over, tell him he's got X amount of time to get out, and stick to it. Don't help him, just tell him.
And I personally think that whole STOPOVER bit the other night just sucks. I mean, he came home to eat and have sex and then left? I'd be so angry.
Anyhow. I agree, don't feel guilty. It's his life, you didn't force it upon him. And also, yes, you're not his mother, you don't have to take care of him. He's obviously not even stopping to think about you.
Thanks for the advice. I am finally at the breaking point. He went out with friends Tuesday night and promised me he'd leave Wednesday night open for me. When I called him from work yesterday afternoon asking if he wanted to go out to dinner, he said his friend/coworker Sean had called and wanted to see him. So he told me he may not be home when I got home and to just eat by myself.
Then, on the way home from work I called him and he had gotten called into work to do some shoveling. Even though I was pissed, work is work. I got home and his truck was there but he wasn't so I called him. Seems his friend/coworker Sean picked him up and they were working together. I totally think he lied to me. I don't think he worked at all. My first clue was that he didn't wear any of his thermal clothes under his clothes and he ALWAYS does when he works. But all his thermals were home. My second clue was-he told me he had to go back out and clean up some sidewalks because of the blowing snow. That shouldn't take 4+ hours. I went to bed at 10 and he wasn't home. I didn't hear him come in so who knows when it was. My third clue-the Spongebob Movie was on the coffeetable this morning which means he went to his friend Dan's to borrow it because I said I wanted to see it.
He called me at about 8 last night and said they had to go to another property to clean up the sidewalks and he'd be at least a couple more hours. At that point, I couldn't hide my anger and I was really snide to him. He said he'd leave tonight and tomorrow night open for me. Well, he knows I work Thursday nights and I had plans to go out tomorrow night with a friend.
Why should I waste my energy begging for his time and then always get let down?? I'm not happy. I want to go out and have fun but instead I'm always waiting for him to come home??!! I'm not in love with him anymore. I feel used. He needs to move out asap. God, I hope he calls me at work today. I would love to lay into him right now.
There are sooo many men out there who just treat us hard working "good" girls like dirt!! I have a 6 year old son...how in the world do I make sure he doesn't become one of these men?????
Not to sound harsh, but you should also worry about what your son learns by YOUR behavior. He may not turn into a drunk, but he MAY find women who he can walk all over, abuse, or control.
My two cetns, if you want your son to grow up a good man, leave your bf and find someone who'll treat YOU well, as well as your SON!
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