i want him to help me around the house
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i want him to help me around the house
| Sat, 05-21-2005 - 8:53am |
I have a house and a boyfriend of 6 months. I own a home. He lives in an apartment. It is very time consuming for me to take care of my house since I work and also help my family out with their own home since my sisters and I have moed out.
I have asked my boyfriend to help cut the grass, vacuum, pick up groceries, since he is at my house a few days a week hanging out. He normally cleans after himself and once in while assists with other house chores. But he told me for him to consistently do it, he does not like it and does not think it is appropriate for a boyfriend to do. I want to do activities of couples. I love him and want him to participate. All he wants to do i go out but I have responsibilities. What should I do?

I think it's totally inappropriate to ask a bf of only 6 months to help you around the house.
If you were living together, that would be one thing, but it's not his responsibility. Hire help if you need it.
Sheri
I am with Sheri on this.. If you had no boyfriend who would be doing things around the house? Or, just because you stay over your boyfriends house a few days a week does that mean you should do the things you have asked like buy groceries, clean the house, wash his clothes.
To me it is unreasonable for you to expect him to do those things. I can see if you lived together but just cause you two hang out together does not make it his responsibility. I figure he picks up after himself that is great. But to expect him to cut grass and buy groceries. Wow... That is a bit much. As Sheri stated hire someone or cut back on helping family. I love my family but they know I can only be there when I can. Meaning I have done all my household things and I have time to devote to them.
I agree witht the other posters. Reading your post I suddenly flashed back to when I first went away to college.
I would come home to visit my parents and my Mother still expceted me to clean my room and bathroom and spend less time on the weekend with my friends to help with chores. One day I finally just asked if she didn't like me visiting. She said, of course, she did and why would I ask such a rediculous thing. I told her because I have my own apartment to clean at school. Does she really expect me to keep coming home to visit if everytime I do I spend 1/5 of my waking time cleaning her house, when I have one of my own to take care of.
She quickly realized what she was doing and promised me no more chores when I visit. I was now guest after all not a resident.
I imagine your boyfriend feels much the same way I did.
Also, I'm a woman and my idea of "I want to do activities of couples. I love him and want him to participate." does not include mowing lawns or vacuming. Those are activites you participate in as a couple only AFTER you have consolidated houselholds and it is appropriate to share those responsibilities. Why should he have to vacume your home he's got one of his own to vacume?
"Activies of couples" prior to marriage should include things like picnicing, going to the park, the zoo, the movies, dinner, having sex... Your idea of couple activities is for married couples, which you aren't, or for hired hands. It's one thing to ask your boyfriend to help you hang a new ceiling fan, it's another story entirely to saddle him with a weekly "Honey Do" list when he comes to see YOU not clean your house.
He must REALLY love you, because your average guy would have bolted at your suggestion that he take on this psuedo-husband role before he moved in with you. Of course, he's probably also slightly terrified of moving in with you right now, I mean after all if you primarily see him as a work horse to share the load with now how long is the list going to be when he doesn't have his own home to take care of.
Frankly, it sounds like you need a hired hand not a boyfriend. I mean if your shared time together mostly consists of doing your household chores, that is. That isn't a relationship for him it's a part time job.