im back. please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
im back. please help
22
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 12:46am

So, I found out there was a little more to her past than she first told me. Over the weekend we talked again. I found out she wasn’t with 8 guys, but instead 9 guys and this also included a foursome with 2 of the guys and her best friend. So she was with 2 other guys and a girl at the same time.

She told me she lost her virginity at 18. I got with her when she was 22 back in November 2004 and we have been together since then.

So at 18:

Guy #1 there is the guy she lost her virginity to

Guy #2 She had a one night stand in cancun during senior week

Guy #3 She meet when she came home from cancun and had an on and off relationship she says went on for 3 years.

Guy #4 She slept with got pregnant and had an abortion. She is still 18 at this time.

Now around when she was 18 - 19:

Guy #5 slept with him, don’t know whether it was a one nighter or what

Guy #6 Had a foursome with. Which included Guy #5 and also her female best friend.

Don’t know what ages these happened during:

Guy # 7 Had a one night stand with some guy when she went to go visit a friend at college.

Guy #8 The softball coach. She said she slept with him twice and wanted a relationship at the time with him but he didn’t she stopped sleeping with him.

Guy # 9 Her brothers best friend, who is also a close friend to the family and bartends at the bar that sponsers the softball team.

So she said that is now everything. 9 guys, 2 of which where in a foursome with her.

I still have to see Guy #8 when ever she has a game and GUy #9 if he is working at the bar or at a major family event. She walked down the aisle with him at her brothers wedding for example. I was her date to the wedding. BUt she was in the wedding and so was he.

We have been together now for 8 months. We are living together. I loved her before I knew all this. I still love her now that I know, but am bothered by it. How could she give herself away soo freely to these people who didn’t care about her??? Also how could she degrade herself and be used by 2 guys in a foursome???

Im soo confused, hurt, angry and depressed.

She was crying telling me this. She was crying saying I think she’s a whore slut girlfriend. She said all she wants to do is love me and be with me. She said she wants to get married and have a family with me. Saying all she wants is me and she said if I leave her her heart would be shattered .That that is her past and she is over it. And she regrets all her mistakes and would never have been with anyone had she knew she would have met me.

How can I get over this? I love her, but don’t know how to put this stuff out of my mind.

Im very serious about this post.

What should I do??

Seek therapy?? How could therapy make me forget something?

Try Hypnosis?? Tell the lady I want to be hypnotized and to wake up forgetting all about it?

Please help. I’m really hurting.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 12:58pm

it may be helpful if you spent some time with yourself figuring this out rather than humiliating your girlfriend on message boards but spreading around all of her personal business.

at this point it's getting salacious for you to speak of her in this manner on more than one board repeatedly.

get your act together and figure it out on your own.

i'm beginning to think you only like to hear people comment on your girlfriend's sexual past.




Edited 5/30/2005 1:16 pm ET ET by happypets
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 4:23pm

ok, what I don't understand is why this is bothering you to the degree that it is.

Haven't you slept with other women before? How many? Have you ever been in a threesome or foursome before?

She did what she did. If she didn't live up to your moral standards, then you should have figured that out before you fell in love with her and your relationship got to this point (living together).

Yes, her past behavior is slutty to a certain degree. She is not the wholesome "girl next door." If that's what you want she's not it. She can't go back in time and undo what she did.

But, if you love her, you WILL forgive her. Or is it that you don't really know if you love her that much and if she is the one. Are you looking for a way out? Or a you afraid that she will cheat on you at some point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 6:15pm
Try looking at your own numbers. If she can look past your 35 lovers I think it's only fitting you look past her nine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 9:18pm
He's had 35 lovers??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 11:28pm

And lastly, when you CHOOSE to have sex, with one or more men, or women, they are NOT using you. You CANNOT be used, when you WANT sex.

so, don't say she was being used by those two guys, because if she was there willingly, then it was mutual consent of sex. For all you know, she was using them.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:45am
According to his post on the lets talk abou sex board he has, but they were all nameless faceless people because he didnt' care about them, he only cared about 4. ....I think we've been had.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 9:41am

yes i have slept with woman before. I never had a 3 some or 4 some, never. i am not looking for a way out. i love this woman.

i just want to stop hurting and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 9:44am
just the thought of that kills me. how would you feel if that was your wife or husband that had done something like that
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 9:51am

How would one feel if it were their wife or husband. Well, it wouldn't be my husband or boyfriend. I wouldn't take it and that is what you have to decide either you love her and forget it or leave her because it bothers you. I even asked my boyfriend yesterday what he thought of your situation. I let him read all your posts and he thought you should leave. If you have a problem with it then you do not love her as you say. If you love someone then you love them totally and unbiased. You could careless if she slept with half the country because nothing would get in the way of it. You obsessing over this now and to me this should have been discussed early on in the relationship. Maybe it is me but I want to know things like this and I ask so I am not hit with it later on once I've developed feelings which you have and not love. You have been given advice but you keep obsessing. There is no magic way to get past it but to forget it and leave it alone. Or go have your own and then maybe you will be happy.


You've been told be happy you are who she is with now but that isn't good enough you got keep bringing this up. Well the more you talk about it, think about it, the longer it will take you to get over it. So tell yourself this is it I am through what happened happened, I can't change it and I love who she is now and focus on why you want to be with her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 12:49pm
I think that if just about every person on this board, and others, have said they could look past your GF's sexual past, but you can't, then you should leave her. She deserves better than you. She deserves someone who doesn't feel he has such a right to judge her, and her behavior, the way you do. You're beating a dead horse. Let it go for Pete's sake. What if these men had viciously raped her? Would you still feel compelled to make her relive it over and over again, until you could understand and felt better about things? I think you would. You don't care about her, because it is clear all you care about is your male ego. In your head these men *used* your property before you could. That makes YOU the problem Bub, not your girlfriend's past. Perhaps you should listen to the Eagles' song titled "Get Over It." There are a lot more important issues going on in the world that you could be concerning yourself with besides what your GF decided to do BEFORE she met you.

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