i'm falling for him

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
i'm falling for him
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:01pm
I met this guy, Dave about a month ago.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 9:21am

I'm a LI girl too :)

Here's the thing about dating: It's always a risk. You can't take the risk out of it; there's always a chance he won't feel the same way or it won't work out or something will happen. That is inevitable. And it's okay to really like someone, and to think about them a lot. I really don't see anything wrong with your situation, it's a "relationship" in its infancy going through all the normal insecurities that you experience when you don't know someone very well yet.

I think you should cut yourself some slack just for being really interested in this guy. And if you are so anxious about things working out, why are you sleeping with him? If he doesn't feel the same way, will you regret having shared that with him?

Why not focus on getting to know him better and seeing where things go? Don't COMMIT yourself to him. It's ok to think about him a lot but you've only hung out with him twice... Just get to know him. You'll be ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 09-20-2010 - 11:12am

The time before a relationship starts is always scary and exciting. That's normal and sometimes fun (or not!).

However, you've only seen this guy twice, so you really aren't falling for him (I assumed you meant "in love?"). You are infatuated with him. Since there is some time that passes between seeing each other, I think you are also building things up in your head and getting a little too excited.

How about you just be yourself. Try to get away from the texts. Texts are not a great way to communicate with a budding relationship partner. They are quick, impersonal and don't really allow to know you. Try real phone calls or actual dates.

"He says things, like that he is going to come to long island, and i have to cook for him sometime."

OK, I had to laugh here. That's an odd pick up line! Usually the offers to cook for you if they are trying to woo you! Not the opposite, "Oooh, baby cook for me sometime!"

Also, all the cuddling and hand holding on date #2 isn't necessarily a sign of boyfriend/girlfriend. Some guys are really touchy feely and can do this with many girls at once.

I suggest you just keep talking on the phone, see each other when you can, and learn more about him.

"I dont bring these things up when we are together because i dont want to scare him away."

Lastly, if this has been going on for 102 months and you see each other often enough, it's fine to bring up the exclusivity question. A guy that is scared away, isn't that into you, and you don't want him anyway! Doesn't that make sense?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 3:49pm

thanks for your input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2010
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 12:01pm

It's funny that I'm reading your post for input, because I came online with the same feelings a couple of weeks ago. I met this guy about two months ago and we live about an hour + away from one another and were only able to see each other a few times before I went away 3 weeks and afterwards our schedules just weren't matching up. I knew when we first met he was seriously into me and was excited to possibly start a relationship, however after I got back from vacation I got a scared and a bit nervous. We emailed every day while I was away, but it seemed things had died down, at least that's what I felt. I was afraid to bring up how I was feeling about him, in fear that he was no longer feeling the same way. The advice that I received was to just bring it up and talk to him about it. So after another few weeks of fussing about it to myself, I brought it up last weekend. I am happy to say that he is on the same page as me and with distance in mind (because that is our greatest obstacle) we are now exclusive :) and going to attempt to make things work.

I would encourage to to communicate which ever way that works the best for you guys, Me and my now boyfriend communicated primarily via email and text when we first started talking and to be honest we still do, He's made a bigger effort to call now that I've indicated I want to talk, but you need to be able to communicate that you want to talk on the phone if that's what you want.

I think all will work out for the best. Don't be afraid to be interested in someone, if you're at the place where you know you can commit to making an effort then talk to him about it and see if that's where he is.

Good Luck