I'm so confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
I'm so confused
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 4:35pm
I've been with this guy for a year and a half, we live together, but have broken up 3 times in the last nine months, and since the first breakup things have never been the same. It was his choice the 1st 2 times, but mine the last, then after a week I told him I was sorry it was a mistake and he said it was to late. So I dealt with it, the first time we broke up I met a guy adn we hung out a few times, it wasn't anything, but when I got back with my man he didnt' want me to talk to this other guy, so I stopped, the next time we broke up this guy and I started talking again and hung out a little, and got intimate. We've talked a on and off, even after my man and i got toghether again. now we broke up I hung out with this other guy the other night and I have a total crush on him, and really enjoy his company. I'd be with him if I didnt' have this other relationship I'm dealing with. I've never cheated on my now 3 times ex, but now, I don't know what to do. I love him, but last week I told him that if he didn't know after this long if we should be togehter and thinking about marriage, then it wasn't meant at all and we should go our seperate ways. He said its not me he's just not ready for marriage, okay and he also told me not to talk to him about how i feel anymore. So I backed off went out this weekend, saw the other guy at a club and told him that I saw him and danced with this other guy, he acted okay with it, then freaked how could i go out with someone else if I love him, but I didn't go out with the other guy, I ran into him at the club. So then he said fine..go date. I went out with the other guy and now hes out of town on business....as always. Last night I wondered to myself if I really want to be with my 3 times ex or if its just comfort of not having to date again, but I'm kinda interested in this other guy and exploring it, but don't want to make a mistake, the problem is my 3 times ex has been depressed about things in his life, and I can't make it better, it effects us physically a lot and thats a major important thing to me in a relationship, we dont' have it a lot, when we do have physical closeness its great, but not often enough for me. This other guy..I don't know. I once was in this situation before and chose the guy I'd been with long term and regretted it. I'm scared, any advice. Oh also the 3 times ex came to me this morning and said he only wanted to be with me but needed to deal iwth other things in his life first, I told him if he can't do both its very hard, that I don't feel important to him since he can't have both, and I want to be with someone who can handle bad life and a relationship, things will not always be great in life, I told him that I wanted someone who wanted me there and would want to lean on me and help them through hard times not push me away because it's hurting me to bad to be pushed away, he told me he just knew he couldn't make me very happy with all this going on but can I give him time, this is the third time, I don't know if I can, it hurts to wait and want him and not feel wanted, and this other guy, well I just dont know.