Interesting "friend" situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Interesting "friend" situation
28
Sun, 01-01-2012 - 3:11pm

I'll try to be as succinct as possible but try to describe my situation as well as possible so that I can get some guidance.

I'm 55. Divorced for more than 2 years, two sons who are out of the picture,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 10:13am

Very helpful. I'm pretty sure she knows I'd like to be more than friends, so at least the cards are on the table.

My thoughts are to simply be around, wait, and in the meantime date others and see what transpires. We do enjoy our time together, but it is kind of tough when one wants more.

I'll keep you posted......and thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 11:45am

My take is that if I was romantically interested in someone it would be more painful to be their friend.. and if you date others you might always be comparing other women to your friend.. That is not fair to you or the other women you date.

So I personally would cut off all ties with your friend.. or set some very strict boundaries.. Find another yoga studio to go to.

Maybe tell your friend that if things change and she gets rid of the byfriend come and let you know in a few months.. and then if you are single and she is single it might work.. I cannot see this work if you remain in

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 8:03am

How wise. It is a little painful to be around her and be her friend and I do compare others to her (didn't know I was doing this until you mentioned it!).

I have thought seriously about cutting off all communication mostly for my sanity. Each time I am around her it brings up nice feelings that I have to deal with on my own. And then it truly affects my other relationships because I do compare. Humm.

I'm at work this morning and she just sent me a txt while she is on the way to Yoga asking me about my day yesterday and wondering if I was at work already.....so we have an interesting bond that I really don't know what to do with. It's nice but I'd like it to be more.....so I sit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 7:38pm

A little update. Last week I told her that I adore our time together, but the relationship is a little more complex than I am used to

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 9:41am

Welcome back.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 10:08am

Yes, the tone of the conversation was "casual", but the message I gave, I believe, was fairly clear....that I'd like to date her.

I'm having a tough time pulling away....I just really like it when we are together.

That being said, I did go to another studio last night and actually it was nice not to be around her because I do get reminded every 30 seconds that we are not dating!

So, your advice is very wise. Gently do other things, yet randomly maintain contact and see where it goes. I am afraid though that after all this time nothing is going to change unless she decides she doesn't like her current BF. In other words, it's out of my hands and I just need to do my thing.....if she calls, then who knows.......

And your advice about more golfing is spot on! and it's spring-time in the south! thx, jp.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 10:14am

Well...I don't know about wise lol but, I'm glad I was able to offer you some feedback.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 10:15am
of course! should be interesting......
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 1:57pm

oh;the pain of liking someone romantically and all they want is a friendship.. BTDT and not doing it again.. Oh; you sound like such a nice guy and if she does decide to leave the boyfriend she is going to need time to heal... and that could take time..
Oh; you

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 2:21pm

Sadly, but wisely, that is what I am going to have to do.

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