Introducing Myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Introducing Myself
1
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 10:35pm

Hello. Thought I would come here for a little unbiased opinions...LOL I am currently in a fairly new relationship. It is going on 11 mos. now. Here's our story:

We met on the internet and found out that we knew each other from high school, so we weren't complete strangers. I was just out of a 9 yr relationship that produced 3 kids and he has 2 girls from 2 different women. Neither of us had been married. We immediately hit it off and I started "living" at his house. In the younger childs court papers, mom has it that "no romantic overnight stays w/members of the opposite sex". So every other weekend, I pack me and my kids and stay at my parents house. Am I crazy for doing this? I say that its what I do if I want to be in this relationship, but it is starting to wear me down. I feel like this woman is still controlling him and telling ME what I am to do with my life! I don't know if I should feel this way. My ex has no issues with the idea of us "living" together. Then my other dillema is that when we do have all the kids together, it is my kids that get all the negative attention. It always seems to me that because we are at his house that..."don't touch THEIR stuff, etc." But I make my kids share and the girls don't mind sharing, so I don't know what the issue is.....for example, tonight my kids come home from their dad's. My daughter has on his daughters shoes (they are the exact same age and always wear each others stuff, since her mom doesn't send anything to our house, so I am the one buying the clothes)....well anyway, he wants to know why my daughter wore the shoes to her dads. I say cause those were what she had when she went to school, is it a problem? He gets all huffy and puffy and says I didn't say anything! I just wanted to know why!!! What am I supposed to say? We really never argue, just these minor disagreements. Please help, give me some insight on anything I am missing....LOL Thanks! J

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 12:07am

Hi Inafairytale

you've got two different issues happening here, so I'll address them one at a time.

Regarding you staying at his house - do the court papers make any allowances for him to live with a long term partner or marry again? While I can understand the ex not wanting the children to witness a procession of different women in his bed week to week, there should be the consideration that he does have to move on eventually.

I would suggest that if your partner truly wants you to stay, then he'd appeal the court papers. The way I see it, it's not so much her controlling you - it's him allowing this to continue without protest via the courts.

Sharing - this ISN'T a minor issue. Assuming your kids aren't destructive with other kid's toys you're witnessing evidence that the two of you have very different parenting ideals. If your relationship continues, it's likely to turn into quite a major issue.

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