Is it Heartbreak or Ego-ache?
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| Fri, 06-10-2005 - 8:17am |
You know, coincidentally, as repunzal was essentially posing this question I was thinking about it in last night in the shower.
I was thinking how GREAT it would be to have a list of questions we could ask ourselves so we could tell if those sad feelings after a breakup are the short lived kind that will evaporate as soon as someone new we like pays attention to us or is it the kind that will take a little longer to heal, the kind we have to actively work on to get over.
For that matter how much I could have used a list of questions I could have asked myself so I would have known am I in love or am I just in love with the ego inflation I get around him or the idea of being in love.
Where's the Cosmo quiz for those questions?
I mean in hindsight it's easy to tell, it's not so easy in the middle of it.
So what do you ladies think. Are there tell-tale signs or do we have to just learn to trust our instincts?
I know that those intial feelings of excitement and connection, for me, were generally 90% oh-my-ego-feels-so-good-I-feel-so-pretty-and-sexy-I don't-want-this-to-ever-stop and that I always knew when I'd been out with a guy for a month and suddenly felt lonely it was just because of that, I was lonely. I wasn't heart broken or crushed I was just lonely and disappointed and my ego was more then slightly bruised by the rejection. Which, of course, is a normal healthy reaction to rejection unless it lingers for months because I'm being a drama queen.
Looking back it's almost funny just how much of a drama queen I used to be. I used to thrive on it. I used to make the biggest deal out of everything. Thank goodness I out grew it, I cna't imgine still trying to live that way, I would have come apart at the seams long ago.
But I digress... What do y'all think? How can we tell if it's love or if it's all about our egos?

I'm flattered that you were thinking of my post while showering ha ha. But really, I totally hear ya. I do think in my case, that my ego took a hell of a beating.
But it is also the 'wondering why'.. he was sooo affectionate, and it looked promising on his part, and all of a sudden - bam!! out of the blue.. but again, maybe that is still ego related..
I don't know if there is a formula for determining that while you're in the midst of it all. I really think hindsight is the only way, but then again maybe I'm wrong.
Of course I miss him, I miss the closeness, the hugs & kisses, the attention, like you said, the 'feeling special and cared for' 'feeling pretty & sexy'.. - sigh - it can get confusing that's for sure.
Rapunzele
I guess it's all a matter of the heart. If it's love, it hurts right in the chest. No anger, bitterness, no immediate rush to go look for "Mr. Right". THat's where I'm at right now. I have no desire to meet anyone new or to brush up on my self image, which is what all my friends tell me to do.
Sometimes I wish it was just an Ego Brusing, because I think those brusies heal quicker. You dust yourself off, hold your head up and wait for the next guy to come along and hold the door open, wink at you or smile.
Good luck. I'm sure you're fantastic and will find someone right for you who admires all your qualities, not just your ego! ;-)