is it love?
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| Sun, 04-16-2006 - 10:52pm |
So far in my life, I've been in love many times. Most of my relationships started with passion but led me nowhere. Now I'm 30 and I recently met a 40 years old man who is the sweetest guy I ever met. I know deep inside of me he can give me everything I look for: stability, support, love, a family. The only thing is, after a month of dating, I don't feel any butterflies in my stomach, I don't feel all soft inside when I look at him, in short, I'm not in love with him... yet??? My question is: is it possible for love to take its time to bloom? This has never been like that for me, I usually fall really quickly and I'm a bit lost in this situation. There is nothing I would like more than to be deeply in love with this man, 'cause I somehow feel we deserve each other. But what if I never fall? How long should I give this a try?
Any answers or comments are welcome, thank you.

>>So far in my life, I've been in love many times. Most of my relationships started with passion but led me nowhere. <<
These two sentences contradict each other. I think you're confusing infatuation with love. It's an easy mistake to make.
The butterflies and gooey feeling that you describe aren't love. They are a reflection of the more superficial feelings that many relationships start with. Love is more about contentment and respect. It's comes when you know someone inside out.
I think that with this new man you are missing lust, not love. Many people will tell you that true love takes much longer than one month to develop. Give it time to see if love develops - and perhaps the physical attraction will follow.
good luck.
i have been with my bf for nearly 2 years and for the first few months i didnt feel gooey and silly and in love or even infatuated, but i knew something was happening. i was mostly curious. i was attracted (not exactly with my eyes but magneticly), and excited. but it wasnt that on top of the world euphoria type of thing i had felt before.
however, before i was dating him, i dated another guy who was "really good for me"... by the book anyway, he was really cool, we had fun, he was so nice, he was stable and responsible, and he was atractive. but for some reason dating him seemed unnatural. It seemed good, but it didnt seem right. It simply just didn't happen.
so i guess it depents on what kind of feelings you are having. the point is, you never know. it could go either way. see how it goes. but frommy experience, the not-so-gooey-at-first relationships are always the best. im still good friends with the other guy it didnt work out with (truly legitimate just friends)
I agree with the other posters, love is about much more then a surge of hormones and some butterflies. It's more about genuine affection.
If you feel some affection for him and you find him to be good company and he can make you laugh. If you genuinely enjoy being with him and llok froward to seeing him again, then this may be the beginning of love.
I felt this way about all three of the healthy relationships I've had, including my husband. I didn't immediately feel all hot and heavy for my husband it came a litle later. I thought he was attractive, just not that immediate chemistry. The chemistry formed more as I got to know him and I can honestly see I think it grows everyday.
Not to go all mushy on you, okay I'm going to go al mushy on you... when I think about how much I adore my husband it actually drives me to distraction. I actually can't let myself think about it too much because I'd never get anything else done. There are times I want to be with him and it's purely physical, but other times, it's just becasue for some reason or another I was thinking about us and how much we love each other and I just feel like I HAVE to be close to him and hold him and get busy with him (okay that part wasn't mushy).
My point is a VERY intense sexual attraction can come from a very intense love even if the chemistry wans't there from the start.
My situation was kind of the reverse. I was in a long distance relationship for a year. And I guess I knew I felt something, but it was unlike my previous relationships where the first year was full of butterflies and 'infatuation'. I liked him, liked talking to him...but just not that feeling you get at the beginning of a relationship. But I did believe he was 'right' for me. For multiple reasons I moved to be with him (sick of job, bored of city, was feeling the need for a change...so why not?), but I remember thinking that we wouldn't be together too long and I would make my own new life. Much to my surprise, I fell head over heels in love after I moved. That was a year and a half ago...and I still feel butterflies when I get an email or call from him. That doesn't come without it's problems of course as I think he went through his 'infatuation stage when we were in a LDR and came out of it when I was just going into it!!...go figure.
My point is, even if it doesn't work out now, I will know I 'knew' there was something worth pursuing...but definitely NOT that I loved him at that point. It wasn't like past relationships with the flush of a new relationship....but as another poster said "that's not always a steady foundation" I say give it a couple of months...follow your gut. and good luck