Is it meant to be? Debate ?
Find a Conversation
Is it meant to be? Debate ?
| Wed, 10-26-2005 - 12:32pm |
Theoretical Debate: in answers to posts on this and other boards, you often see the phrase "if its meant to be, its meant to be" or "you can't lose what is truly yours" (or another variation--if you love something set it free and it will come back to you if its truly yours). Yet at the same time people often talk about timing and if the timing isn't right or someone isn't ready for a relationship it won't work out. So how are those two ideas reconciled? If you meant someone who was TRULY meant for you but you met them at a bad time (ie you were too immature or too young) would that mean you would meet them later when the time is right and it WOULD work out? Or if you never do meet them again, or they fall in love with someone else in the meantime, does that mean they were never truly yours or never truly loved you? I just think its interesting so many people use these phrases or explanations, yet at the same time they are completely contradictory--one implies just let fate take its course because you're almost predestined to end up with the one meant for you, yet the other seems to say you'd better act now, because later the timing could be off or because the timing is off now they could fall in love with someone else. So how do people reconcile these two things?

Marie
Good debate :)
>>>"you can't lose what is truly yours" (or another variation--if you love something set it free and it will come back to you if its truly yours).<<<
With this, I don't beleive "what truly is yours" because another human being is NEVER "yours". So, no matter what, it's already a lost cause. And I don't believe in the "if you set them free" bit, because there are A LOT of ppl who'd respect your decision that you wnated to end it, and never come back, regardless if they felt you were perfect for them. My xbf is one very good example. If I told him I don't ever want him in my life again, he loves and respects me enough, to stay out. So, even if he "was mine", he'd never come back. So, that makes no sense.
>>>"if its meant to be, its meant to be" <<<
With this and in regards to time. I feel, if it's meant to be, the timing will be right for you and that person to have a r'ship. Otherwise, it wasn't meant to be. It's like ppl who say they've met The One, yet that person is happily married. Um, then that person is NOT The One. Because The One, would be single and feel the same way about you.
When I say, "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be" I personally mean that EVERYTHING is at the right place, right time, no one is married, or attached, etc. I would say it and mean it as, you both are in the right place, and it's meant to be for the BOTH of you.
And lastly, we all have a destiny, but I personally believe we change that destiny every time we make a choice. You can choose to MAKE things work, and try everything to keep a r'ship going. And if that person does the same, most likely, it'll work. But some ppl use excuses, and those excuses, are what comes into play of, "if it's meant to be, then it's meant ot be". Because very few ppl are that flexible to do almost anythign for someone else, and their SO do the same. If everyone bended, as much as they could for all r'ships, then I think it's more of a fate game. But because we don't, for whatever reasons, it's a "just not meant to be" bit.
Hi everyone.
Well, my take on this is if it's TRULY "meant to be"..yes both people should be at the same point in both of their lives (ready to make a r'ship work, ready to put in any effort to being with the person they feel is "the one"). If the two people are willing to do whatever it takes to be with each other then it's quite possible that they are destined. However, two people that keep going on the notion that if things happen they happen it quite possibly will not work. See, r'ships cannot work on fate alone. There also has to be a deal of effort from both sides to be put into it to make it work. Think about this...let's say two people live 2000+ miles from each other, they communicate everyday phone, on-lne,etc. They realize they are very much connected to each other just by means of communicating. Well, do they leave it to fate to maybe one day place one of them on a plane to meet..or, do they both work together and make a plan to see each other? Hmmm, if they leave it up to fate they may never get the chance to see if there'e a physical connection. If they put mutual effort into the planning then possibly the r'ship could turn into something great in their future. Point is.. yes there is fate, but with fate their needs to be effort. Together if the two people are truly meant to be then there are no boundaries to be with each other. That's how you know when you're meant to be. :)
Hey, I'm in a rush so sorry I didn't read the other posts and if I'm repeatign stuff.
Here's my take: they don't contradict each other at all, unless you think there is only one person out there for you, whch I don't agree with. I think there are MANY people we might meet and fall in love with and spend our lives with IF the circumstances are right.
I think that SOMETIMES people do fall in love and they aren't ready and they break up and then, years later, they meet again and they are ready and they fall in love again and live happily ever after. I also think that some people fall in love, aren't ready, break up and meet someone different that is well suited at a better time and THEY live happily ever after.
The trick here is not getting caught up in the whole "my one and only" thing. There are probably thousands of people out there that if you meet them when you're ready and they're ready you'll fall in love and live happily ever after. The thing is a lot of times we aren't ready when we think we are.
I've been in love with two men other then my husband. Looking back know it's easy to see why it didn't work out and how I wasn't ready and/or the other guy wasn't ready and the areas we just really weren't compatible.
The thing that is different about my husband is we were both ready and we get along great. We are EXTREMELY compatible, more so then I think I ever have been with anyone and it isn't because we have so much in common it's becasue we have how we want to lead our lives in common. Common values we lead our lives by, a common desire for variety and change, a common thirst for knowledge, a common strategy for problem solving, a common desire to be able to be honest and open with each other, and we both understand that means being non-judging and accepting of each other's flaws and our own.
It isn't becasue the planets alligned or really even because it was "meant to be". It's because two mature adults who had sorted out most of their personal issues and were willing to try to commuincate honestly and openly without judging themselves or each other met and shared themselves with each other and were able to recognize what a great and rare thing they had found in each other.
There's nothing mysterious about it. All it really takes to find true love is to look inward, learn to love and not judge yourself, learn to share yourself with others without expecting anything in return but just for the joy of doing it, and learn to be happy and love life.
It has nothing to do with fate and everything to do with being happy and learning a lot about yourself. You take care of you and worry about you and the rest will take care of itself, not because of fate or other manner of hocus pocus, but because all the while you're working on you you're headed toward exactly the things you want. You're guiding yourself and giving yourself the tools to gain what you want and when you're ready the opportunities you missed when you weren't ready will be there in a new form waiting. Life is filled with infinite opportunities we just blind ourselves to them by staying focused too long on the opportunity we thought we had and let slip away or because we just aren't ready to see it.
A person cannot live in the past or in the future. We must learn to live for today and plan for tomorrow knowing it's a gift we might never receive and just be joyful we had the chance to live now. Don't waste your life worrying about things you can't change or opportunities you might miss another is waiting whenever you're ready to see it.