It's NOT meant to be...venting...
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| Sat, 08-13-2005 - 3:43pm |
Beware! Longest Post you’ll ever read! Not all that interesting. Proceed at your own risk.
Hello Everyone!
I met someone roughly two months ago at a foreign language immersion event in a very casual fashion and in a very romantic spot. At first encounter my jaw dropped in response to his physical appearance, so I immediately gave myself a pep talk: play aloof, and keep your composure. I have never met anyone so strappingly handsome in person before. The instant he walked through the door, the program organizer jetted over to him and began to bombard him with questions: "hi-welcome, what's your name? how did you hear about the event? are you from around here? come join us!" Before he was able to make his way over to the group's sitting area, I learned that he just came back from an extensive and inspiring vacation 3 days earlier (dead giveaway of his ethnic background -- mine), and that he just moved to town to start a residency program at a local hospital (voted overall best hospital in the nation). I had showed up just moments before and a full hour late. I just took a seat next to the group's table to take a moment to relax, eavesdropping. Meanwhile the program organizer tried to drag him over to sit with the rest of the group, he decided to take a seat at my table. He introduced himself and from that moment on our conversation commenced. During the first 15-20 minutes, the program organizer addressed us every five minutes, or so, to convince us to join the group. We both refused in unison, and finally she turned and stopped in the middle of her sentence and instead blurted out "oh, wow, nevermind, you two have definitely found a common language..." About an hour later, he said he was hungry and if I could recommend any place he could grab a bite to eat. I already had a place in mind, so I told he would be welcome to join me. We walked out, I gave him directions on the street, he took my number down under the pretext of getting lost in a strange city, and we decided to meet up within the next half an hour. He showed up and we ended up talking for five hours straight that night. I kept wondering why he is lingering around. Our conversation was easy. He even complimented me on numerous things. I learned a great deal about his background and his hobbies. He told me exactly where he worked and even where he lives. I've met strange men before and have talked to them at length before (never for five hours)and never accompanied by an acute awareness of how physically attractive they were. I had made a choice that evening as you recall not to flirt (usually there is hint of flirtation). Perhaps I should have. Our conversation did not have any sexual undertones. I concluded that he was the man of my dreams, yet completely out of my league. I finally met a guy who is erudite, well-adjusted, cordial and kind-hearted, and who possessed the one quality I've been searching, but one that seemed entirely unlikely for the type of person I was looking for -- a sense of humility. There he was gorgeous, a former NCCAA caliber athlete for a prime university, who graduated with top honors from one of the best med schools in the nation. I just kept thinking what does he find so enticing about little ol' me, telling me that I look very well put-together, that I have a strong grip on reality and a really good head on my shoulders - I was utterly smitten for the first time in my life. Finally it was time to call it an evening, I gave him a quick good-bye hug and wanted to rush out, but he launched into expressing hi gratitude for a most amazing time, ephasizing that he doesn't recall having spent such quality time with anyone. As I was walking off, I told myself, he is just being overly courteous. I decided that I will always look fondly upon that night, but I won't dare to entertain thoughts of any future interaction with him.
Two days later, he called me up, I was pleasantly surprised. The first words out of his mouth were I wanted to thank you again for a most remarkable evening. He also wanted to check up on the stats of my league game, which I was playing the evening of the phone call, and to apologize that he couldn't make it. The other time, he expressed an interest in playing a pick up game in this sport and I told him about a wonderful facility located just a few blocks from his residence. He must have thought I invited him. I would play a game of pick-up there, sure, if I didn't have a league game the same evening. Though, it was nice of him to remember. I was pretty tired, driving home in the rain, and my phone was ringing non-stop. So my responses were very brief and dry. I told him that he doesn't have to thank me for anything, and that I took all of his words of gratitude for common courtesy, and cut the conversation short. The following day, I felt badly for hanging up on him so abruptly and I called to apologize as well as under the pretext that there is another regularly scheduled rec. game at the same location every week. He had a nice chat for about 40 minutes. The last thing he said to me was I will check my schedule. At that point, i didn't want to tell him that I wasn't inviting him to play with me, I wasn't even going to play that day. The following day he called (I missed the call) to tell me that he checked his schedule and unfortunately he can't make b/c he had made prior plans with friends that afternoon. He apologized for not being able to make it, and said that he would call me either the next day or the day after, and that he loves talking to me, and that he would love to go out with me, and hopefully we can set something up sooner than later (rather neutral in my opinion). The weekend passed and the phone call never cam through. Since he didn't strike as someone who would disappear without a word, I waited roughly a week and called him to make sure he was okay. My voicemail was humorous, yet biting...heheh...definitely showcasing my personality and catered toward a certain type of an individual. For your reading pleasure (NOT really!): "...You left a whole lotta voicemail msg, and didn't follow-up. I gathered it was good cause for concern. Short of jumping to conclusions , I’ve considered three options thus far: a) you had a change of heart; b) you’ve had a personal or family emergency; c) you’re delivering three sets of quintuplets and you’re the only physician on hand. Pardon my sense of humor. I look forward to finding out which one of my option fits best. If I don’t hear from you , I hope everything is fine after all, please take good care of yourself.” He called me up later than day ( I missed the call again) and left me a profusely apologetic message, no less than six apologetic inserts)..he so sorry, he was supposed to call me at such and such time (didn’t’ remind him of that in my msg) and he can’t wait to talk to me, he had a week from hell, and he’ll call me at such and such time. I decided to phone him. We talked briefly about silly stuff. He was officially starting his 1st work week the following day ( 3 days of regular hours, four days on call – lovely!). I wished him good luck and pretty much got off the phone at that point. About two weeks later, I decided to call to see how he’s managing his time, and how the residency is treating him so far. Had to leave him a voicemail. He called me back to tell me that he was actually on vacation in sunny FL, catching up on all that good stuff, like food and sleep, told me when he’s coming back. Cause I missed the call again, I thought I’ll call him up to acknowledge the fact that I heard his message, told him briefly what I’ve been up to. He called me up a few days later to thank me for keeping up with him, to command me on my fondness for linguistics, how much he enjoys my voicemails, said he only had a few minutes to talk. I accepted the compliments graciously and we hung up. It has been a month, I haven’t heard from him. I know he has no time to date, but he has time to make phone calls. I know that I failed to flirt throughout our exchange. As I see it, he sets millions of hearts of flutter daily, although nothing in his disposition illustrates an ounce of conceit. He’s been nothing but nice and apologetic. Did I peak his interest, no, not really. He doesn’t need me as a friend. Frankly, for the first time in my life I find myself on the other side of the coin. I finally comprehend why men and women can’t be friends if they are attracted to one another. This is unrequited love. I’m thoroughly sad b/c I cannot imagine meeting anyone so perfect again, anyone who embodies the combination of qualities I’ve been looking for to a tee. I feel like the Power Above had played a cruel joke on me. Why did I have to meet him…I was willing to settle for a bit less b/c I had always thought that the person I imagine as my best companion doesn’t exist. I don’t ever think it’s a good policy to blame myself. Should I have flirted? Would someone like him had responded in the way I would prefer? Or is this the case of out of site out of mind…Why did he ever call me up in the first place? Why would anyone call just to thank one for keeping up with him? The second he uttered these words, I understood it as a specific cue – please don’t call me again, please don’t keep up with me anymore. Who would agree with me? That’s what you get when you’re dealing with someone who is too polite for his own good. I’ve been having stalkish tendencies b/c as little as I know him, I know where he works, plays and lives. I wish I didn’t’have this kind of info. in my possession.
I apologize once again for such a convoluted post. don't hate cause I'm beautiful (Laughing through tears)
R.

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GM, thanks so much for the multiplicity of ideas and for the encouraging words -- you're going to make me cry!
How do you propose I fix the problem so I can forgive myself? Calling out of the blue after a month isn't easy -- qualifies as a bit stalkish in my book. Frankly, I erased his number already. Then again, I have phone bills.
He asually returned my phone calls tardedly, nevetheless, his attitude was always that of extreme gratitude, and quite welcoming...Perhaps tardiness was the reason I became convinced that he was only mildly interested IN me.
Reinitiating contact once again as I have done a good few times in the past...I don't find talking once every two weeks satisfying. I definitely don't have it in me to ask him to make more time to call me more often. And the words I really like you, or call me as often you like are not likely to escape my lips anytime soon. I am also pretty stingy on compliments. I'm extrememly personable, but I am utterly incapable of expressing my emotions honestly. I'm addicted to sarcastic banter. Funny (funny how?), he was the first person who ever thought me an optimist. He definitely brought out the best in me.
*BIG sigh*
Edited 8/19/2005 6:26 pm ET ET by dumberu
Edited 8/19/2005 6:27 pm ET ET by dumberu
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