It's so simple, normally.
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| Tue, 03-22-2005 - 10:43pm |
Allright. Any advice will be appreciated. Met this guy in Cali that was working on a show I was working on. I found him attractive and became instantaneously interested into him. So,one morning he said Good Morning (I didn't approach him, I was sitting talking to a friend). So, I took that as a sign. Later that day I decided to ask him to the movies, he said yes. I asked him for that night and he told me he had to teach martial arts class. I knew, in my mind, that that was the only time that week I would be available. So, I asked him when else he would be available. He said, "Let me give you my number." So I wrote it down and he corrected me when I was wrong. Like I said, in my mind, I am feeling bummed, 'cause I know I won't be there Saturday and Sunday (when he is available). I didn't tell him then that I was from a different state - I wasn't even thinking of that.
So, I have his number and the next day I go back to the show. He says Hi and I am waiting for him to ask me for my number, to measure interest. He doesn't. So this is the last night I will be available. So, fast-forward. I say my goodbyes to everyone, including him. He is taking apart the stage as I say goodbye to him, so he stops and talks to me. I say, "I wish we coulda talked more" and he says, "Yea, but there is always some other time. When we aren't busy." I realize he doesn't have my number, so I write it on some paper with my email and a note that says, "I wanted to get together, but we were both busy, I am here once every three months." He looks at it and smiles and says, "Thank You." I walk out a door and he is behind the stage, I saw him put my number in his cell phone, he had the paper in his hand.
So, I'm kicking myself 'cause I didn't get to spend time with this guy I am really attracted to and who was into me. So, my friend, who is working with him tells me that that night the guy I am into was looking for me at this event I was working to ask me if I could go out that night. Except I was on stage working - so work gets in the way again. I wouldn't have been able to do anything that night anyway - I was worn out! So, after I find that out, I'm like "Damn, I really need to get in touch with this guy."
So, he has my number but hasn't called yet. This is about a week and half ago. This was my first time in that particular area, I loved it and thank the universe that I got some job offers. So I am moving there this summer. I know this guy is interested in me, so that is not the question. How do I call him and let him know that I am going to be there this summer and that I would like to spend some time with him. We have one thing in commmon that I know of, a love for martial arts. We didn't get to talk much, there was a physical chemistry that you could cut with a knife. A lot of guys were trying to talk to me, but I had my eyes on him. So ladies and gents, how do I call him to let him know I am going to be in town and that we can actually finally talk and do all those other things. Heh. I just, don't want to come on too strong.
Thanks for the help.
Edited 3/22/2005 11:46 pm ET ET by animatestate

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My personal opinion is that you don't get in contact with him... you made the first move and he said yes, but things didn't work out for that.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
No offense, but my intuition tells me differently about him being intrested. I mean, he wouldn't have sought me out (I saw him looking for me), if he wasn't interested. That was after he realized I wasn't from there. He also wouldn't have given me his number without me even asking for it, he gave it on his own. I was just gonna leave it at him not being able to go out that night and go about my business.
One of my guy friends said that he probably hasn't called 'cause I did say I wasn't there but once every three months. So he probably thinks I am just looking to get together when I am there, which isn't the case.
One example of a guy that I know is interested but hasn't called is my friend's friend. We met at this conference and I found out through my friend that he liked me. He said, "You know who else likes you, Corey." I was like, "No?" So I started observing his behavior and sure enough signs that he liked me, always approaching me, smiling, wanting to touch my hand, seeming to investigate my social life. This guy has my number, I gave it to him as a business contact earlier before I knew and he knows my website that I run - he hasn't called (but I can see that he has visited my site). So there is an example of when a guy likes you, but he won't call because well, you aren't available for them. The guy I am interested in, I didn't get to talk to very much, so I don't expect him to be calling me non-stop. I just want to call to see if he wants to get together at this industry event we will be both covering.
Edited 3/23/2005 12:53 pm ET ET by animatestate
You initiated contact, he wanted to go to the movies, but couldn't. HE gave you HIS phone number, so that means YOU SHOULD CALL HIM!!!
I'm sorry. But if you start the process, don't start getting all "girly" and be like, "he needs to caaaallll meeeeee". PULEEZ!!!!
Just pick up the phone, call him, initiate a conversation. No where does the dating rules say that 1. youcan't call him, 2. you can't get to know him on the phone BEFORE you move to CA, 3. You can't tell him, hey, I"ve decided to move to CA for a job, I'm hoping we can
So...if you feel that way, what's stopping you from picking up the phone and calling him, already???
Sheri
I'm really looking for advice on how to bring up the topic that I will be living in the area this summer (was offered a job) and that I would like to get together, without that being the center of the conversation because I do want to talk to him as a normal conversation. And also we will see each other before that in LA in May and I know he will be there because the show he works for is going to be there. However, he doesn't know I am also going to be there, I want to suggest that we get together then - which would be a lot of fun.
I guess what I am looking for is some advice on how to pick up the phone and let him know that I really am interested in getting to know him and I think it would be fun to get together in LA. Because the note said I am in the area once every 3 months, but now I am available. So how to avoid the line, "I'm gonna be moving there this summer." That is a little forward, I think. Or maybe I am overreacting?
Thanks.
Oh, Cher, yea, you are right. I guess I have to admit that I am a lil' unsure about how to bring the topic up. I would love to see this guy again, some good chemistry you know, so I am dumb for not trying to make that happen. I mean, I just feel like I am making a date with someone 1400 miles away over the phone, but I know I will be moving there this summer and I will be seeing him in May. So it is awkward for me.
Edited 3/23/2005 2:57 pm ET ET by animatestate
I think you are grossly over-thinking this!
Just pick up the phone and have a conversation with him! Start with the fact that you'll be out there in May, and if it comes up naturally, tell him you're moving out there this summer. If it doesn't, tell him next time you talk or when you see him in May. If it helps, think of him as a potential friend, rather than a potential romantic interest.
Sheri
Heh. Yea, I had to tell myself to quit overthinking and I also agree that a lot of times we think of someone too much as a potential partner instead of a friend. That is exactly what I would've said to someone who may be in my situation. It's weird though, when you are in that position yourself. 'Cause I have been in touch with the people I have met out there since I got back, no problem calling them and talking on the phone, but when you are faced with someone you are attracted to - heh, it changes.
I think I am just thinking too hard about the having a conversation over the phone. Kinda got the phone-shyness bug right now. That's why my title says, " . . .normally."
But yea, I really appreciate the opinions and we seem to sometimes know the answers to our questions. Like I knew he was interested, but I was unsure about how to let him that I am going to be available for getting together. So, I appreciate you all taking the time to help a sister out. :) Cher hit the nail on the head about what I was thinking, but was unable to put into action.
Edited 3/23/2005 3:18 pm ET ET by animatestate
Well . . . just got off the phone with him. Seems that he isn't sure yet if he will be at the convention in May with the show, 'cause he is responsible for putting up the stage and they won't be having a stage there. Usually when they go on the road, a producer will bring a camera and just tape the show themselves, but I was hoping he would be there. He was like, "If I am there, I would love to have dinner."
The conversation just seemed really rushed on my part and I feel really weird about that - by the way, I don't do so well on the phone (with a guy I am interested in that I don't really know), so that was a definite issue. So the call lasted a good 2 minutes you all - yea, I exited the scene like an idiot. It ended with me saying "Well, I will talk to you later OK?" 'Cause I could hear people in the background 'cause he was at school, and he was like, "Well ...
Any translations of the conversation? I feel like I was rude and uninterested, but it was that I was a tad bit nervous talking to him. Basically, I did the whole, "Wanna get together?" He says "Yes." I get quiet and I'm thinking, "Crap he is in class. So I'm gonna let him go." And I say "Goodbye."
::shakes head::
Edited 3/23/2005 9:13 pm ET ET by animatestate
i think that May is waaaaayyyy too far off to be worrying about this now. who knows what could happen in the next 2 months, ya know?
and since you two did so much better in person than on the phone, i'd just not worry about it until you get the chance to see him again.
relax :) if you dont see him in may you can give him a call this summer when you move there!
Yea . . . I just wish I would've been a little more conversational on the phone. It just seemed really rude on my part. You know? I said "Bye" because he was in school, but still. Like I would like to sit and talk, but reality is that I've only spoken to this guy in person a good 1 hour for about 3 days, so how can I expect a huge conversation?
Not to be rule-abiding, heh, you know how we naturally do - shouldn't he call me back before May to let me know if he is gonna be there or not? I don't think it is very good for me to call and check. That's my personal feeling talking right there.
I hate to overthink things because 99.9% of me lives my life freely, but you know.
I mean also, is it rude to be like, "Well, I will talk to you later?" after just having some conversation and asking them out? Now that I think about it, it's not so rude, because if a guy did that to me, I would just think he was busy or felt I was busy.
Yea, definitely over-thinking.
Edited 3/23/2005 9:36 pm ET ET by animatestate
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