Jerry McGuire

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Jerry McGuire
18
Tue, 10-18-2005 - 2:42pm

Am I the only one who thinks that Renee Zelwegger's character in Jerry McGuire is completely pathetic?

I mean how needy and desparate are you when you say, "You had me at, 'Hello'." to a guy who has treated you like garbage?

I heard a couple of women talking about what a romantic movie that was and it just got me thinking about what a horrible example of romance we are setting for young women.

I mean how is it romantic to be someone's doormat? We're telling young women that it is not only exceptable but "romantic" to quit your job and chase after a man who doesn't know you exist, let him treat you like garbage, while you offer your loving support as he goes through a difficult time, only so he can threaten to leave you. Then just as you are finally moving on and trying to pick up the pieces he comes back and it is NOT pathetic, weak, self-destructive, and foolish but "romantic" to willingly offer yourself back up for more abuse at "Hello".

What they should have shown was a year later when they head into divorce court becasue he's still a self-centered prick and she finally gets fed up with him and his lame "you comlpete me" lines of bull.

Sorry, rant over. Thanks I feel much better now. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: nick91171
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 7:48am

You know what I find so interesting about all these posts...

I think everyone missed a theme I saw in Pretty Woman. Wait around for a rich man to come and rescue you. Don't save yourself and work hard and crawl your way out of bad circumstances on your own; sit around and wait for someone else to come along and fix it for you.

Pretty Woman and Jerry McGuire do share a common theme... Women need to be saved by a big strong man, they can't do it on their own. We should all just wait aorund for love to save us.

Thanks but no thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nick91171
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 11:28am

nick91171...

It's ironic you should bring up the movie: PRETTY WOMAN? Pianoguy took a look at the dvd for JERRY MCGUIRE on Tuesday night.

While the Jerry McGuire character started out holding a prestigious position for a major sports agency, had a huge salary, a good client roster, and basically everything a man could possibly want...the most important factor was that HE COULDN'T REALLY SURVIVE BY HIMSELF! Perhaps this is the reason why the words: "you complete me" (which are uttered by Tom Cruise to Renee Zellweger at the end of the movie) mean so much?

Particularly to women???

When a man's work or lifestyle consumes him...we often don't think about the fact that we're going to be heading home ALONE....or to just a dog, cat, or a 'pet fish?' (I'm referencing the movie here). But the fact remains that there's NOBODY HUMAN waiting to greet us with a hug and a "how was your day?"

I honestly thought the Renee Zellweger character was pretty strong. She has the support of her sister and the love of an absolutely precocious son! The male element was missing and her lifestyle was middle-class. True...certain elements of her life were "no bed of roses", but she was strong enough to deal with them.

And...Dorothy Boyd (her character) was also willing to TAKE A CHANCE by relinquishing the 'secure job' she had in favor of taking a chance of someone insecure! Some women (and even a few men) have no problem doing this. Others want the security of knowing EVERY EVENT IN THEIR LIFE BEFORE THEY LIVE IT?

One way isn't necessarily better than the other....but in life....'one size doesn't fit all'---CORRECT? The only way we learn a little more about life is based on how much permission we're willing to give ourselves in order to try something different?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: nick91171
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 11:59am

Sorry, but to me the movie simply romanticises two people making BAD life choices.

She makes a bad life choice by leaving her job to chase a man who barely knows she exists and then remaining involved with him romantically even though he's completely self-absorbed and emotionally unavailable to her.

He makes a bad life choice by allowing himself to become so involved in his career that he cna't see he's actually missing out on life.

Neither one of them can handle life on their own so they form a relationship based on neediness and the inability to stand independently.

To me there is nothing romantic about someone needing me, it just means they aren't able to be on their own.

I adore my husband. I don't want to ever be without him again, but I don't need him. Our relationship came from our mutual ability to live on our own and be "complete" on our own. We don't "complete" each other. I am whole person and he is a whole person. We PREFER life with each other. We were both very happy and content in our singleness.

I don't believe in the romaticised notions of Hollywood or the population at large. I think people should be whole and happy on their own before settling into a life together instead of fumbling about looking for their "other half" to "complete" them. If a person isn't whole and happy on their own another person can't and won't make them that way.

Their are a LOT of miserable people out there married to someone who they thought "completed" them only to find out weeks, months, or years later that the hole they thought they were plugging is still very much there and very much unfilled.

Many movies create a COMPLETELY unrealistic picture of what real love and relationships are like in the real world.

In the real world, hookers aren't swept off their feet by rich business tycoons and women who quit their jobs to chase after men who barely know they exist usually end up alone and unemployed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: nick91171
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 12:07pm
I agree with you Nick, but it is the fantasy that many people want to believe and what it is such a hot seller. Look at romance novels. To me watching the movies is just that a form of entertainment and not something I believe to be real life. If I want that then I will go watch a documentary on something or someone. But, these movies are not made, at least I don't think so, to give people a hope of how it is suppose to be. Jerry McGuire I was more focused on the sports agent role more so then his relationship.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nick91171
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 12:47pm

nick91171...

PG would like to quote your 2nd to last paragraph:

"Many movies crate a COMPLETELY unrealistic picture of what real love and relationships are like in the real world!"

I AGREE!

But isn't that the reason they come under the header of MOVIES? And there are some of us who seek out the fantasy for 2-hours of 'artificial happiness?' It brings many of us peace and temporarily takes the stress away!

You and your husband seem to be able to thrive on individual/singleness lifestyles? These appear to be stronger than whatever time you choose to spend together? AND THAT'S FINE! The concept works for some people.

But for the most part, the desire for mutual happiness during our free time is spent with the person who IS the partner. While this concept doesn't necessarily work for you and your husband (and probably a few others)...it seems to be popular with the majority of couples who are out there?

"Even a lemon or two (male or female) can show up in a terrific marriage!"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: nick91171
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 3:31pm

The whole point of my original post wasn't that escapism and fantasy don't have there place. They do. I love a good romantic comedy as much as the next woman but I recognize they are FICTION and that I shouldn't expect some guy to come around and save me and make my life all better.

My point was that I find it disturbing how many women seem to believe in these modern day fairy tales, and that is an emotional dangerous place to go.

"You and your husband seem to be able to thrive on individual/singleness lifestyles?"

We do but...

"the desire for mutual happiness during our free time is spent with the person who IS the partner."

This is also true.

The two are NOT mutually exclusive. Two people do not have to meld into a single human being or share a brain or "complete" each other in order to be close and loving and WANT to spend time together. It just means they are able to act as individuals as well and don't go into full-blown identity crisis if the soemthing happens to their partner.

It would be devasting to lose my husband, but thankfully, I am still a whole person without him and I would not go into crisis mode if something happened to him.

I find it dangerous and irresponsible to expect another person to make you whole. I think all people should be able to be whole on there own. And I believe they can be if they bother to try instead of waiting around for another half to come along and fix them. It makes for a much happier individual whether that individual is in a relationship or not.

I count on and depend on my husband I am NOT his dependant nor is he mine. The only people who should be dependant are children and pets, adults should be able to stand on their own even if they decide not to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: nick91171
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 3:09am

Nick, I think you make an excellent point here. I personally would run the other way as I fast as I could if a man told me, "You complete me." (Even if it was Tom Cruise -- or, maybe especially if it was Tom Cruise LOL.) I also agree with you that having your own identity and enjoying time alone, and enjoying shared time with a significant other, are not mutually exclusive.

I too enjoy escaping into a romantic movie now and then, although I also love movies that are more reflective of real life. But, as Nick has said, I think it's very important that we recognize these are FICTION and FAIRY TALES. I think it's also important that parents convey to their daughters that these are FICTION and not reflective of reality and that it is not desirable to wait around for a man to complete you (I'm thinking of all the Disney Princesses movies that little girls are so obsessed with these days.) It's OK to enjoy the myth, but not to believe in it.

But, pianoguy, I think you make an interesting point that in a way it is an act of strength for Dorothy in "Jerry Maguire" to have the courage to leave her job. I see your point of view there. In some ways she is a strong character -- she follows her convictions. Personally, I would have liked it better if she'd kicked Jerry to the curb when he showed up at her door. Not as romantic, true, but more interesting.

"Pretty Woman" is I think more straightforwardly damaging. Let's face it, Richard Gere really is her knight in shining armor -- she even says it in the movie. She wants the fairy tale and gets it. It's fun escapism, but really ... she truly is RESCUED by him, not by herself. That said, I LOVED that movie when I was 19. The bad thing was, I also believed in the fairy tale back then.

carriebgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: nick91171
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 1:40pm

"I think you make an interesting point that in a way it is an act of strength for Dorothy in "Jerry Maguire" to have the courage to leave her job."

I agree too. The only thing I disagree with is her reason for leaving being to chase a man who doesn't know she exists.

If she had screwed up her courage and asked him out and took that type of chance on love I would think that was brave and should be appluaded. If she left her job becasue she was miserable and unhappy there, THAT I would have applauded.

I appreciate the fantasy; but, the reality is if my friend, daughter, sister, etc. did that, I would tell her she needed to have her head examined.

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