Just Keeping My Emotions In Check

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Just Keeping My Emotions In Check
5
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 6:09am
I honestly don't know how to start this..but here it goes: I'm not in a relationship for almost a year now. I've dated after my previous relat'nship, but it all didn't work out. I figured my mistakes and made an effort not to do it again.. Alright, I admit I'm a li'l afraid of getting close to a man again--I mean getting close with a potential partner. I'm just so tired of relationship and dating issues. Yes, I'm not much into dating right now. Not that I'm too uptight about this neither I believe in fairy tales or so.. I find my self being contented of the things I have right now like enjoying my life with friends and family, engaging in interesting activities etc.. I'm almost done in my quest of integrity and self worth. The fact that I've been through a lot of heartaches before, and I opted to be more objective regarding real life issues including my own emotions right now. There are times people around me keep questioning my singlehood and asking me why I'm not dating and these made me feel sick.. Those men who showed interests commented that I'm too aloof and with such a cold heart. I didn't intend to be one. Each time I meet an interesting guy, I always keep my emotions in check which made me avoid these guys.. Sometimes I still do giggle when a gorgeous guy stares at me but after that I often ask myself if its worth opening up for a new guy again.. It took me a lot of hardships before getting into the way I am now. But I keep wondering why I always automatically avoid a guy who finds me interesting and vice versa.. Yes I'm afraid I might spoil things again but would there be more into it? I examined my feelings and its more like I want a genuine man with a genuine intention..not necessarily be a perfect guy but someone who appreciates me and loves me genuinely.. Otherwise, I'd rather stay single and be a spinster for the rest of my life...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 10:20am

LOL, I completely know what you are saying!

I was there myself about a year ago, wondering when a good guy would come into my life. The best advice I can give you at this point is to stop putting yourself out there and "searching for the one". I did that after a LTR on and off for about a year and a half, and eventually got sick of everything. The whole online dating thing wasn't working. I was at that point of giving up and accepted being single for a long time.

Once I started giving up is when my current BF came into my life. He wasn't the type of guy I normally went for, but for some reason or another a part of me was like "you really need to pay attention and see what this one has to offer". And boy I was glad I listened!

Those guys you say, who seem to have an interest in you, maybe you should at least go out on a date or two, and see what happens. Another thing is that a lot of times you have to pull back and not put so much into the calling, or being available...let him do the chasing. That's what I did with my current BF, instead of me chasing him. Which we all know doesn't work too well when we like someone initially.

Bottom line is that sometimes you have to take a few steps back, a different approach, and see it with different eyes. Try dating new guys who seem to have an interest, and you could be very suprised.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 8:26pm
Another suggestion ... you could just start with only dating men who really catch your attention. Be a little more discerning and dont allow yourself to date for the sake of dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Wed, 04-08-2009 - 5:47am
I love your advice its authentic.. Yeah I realized that now. Before, I was kinda hoping for a new relationship and I was blinded by that idea . I'm still naive inside. Just like any other real women out there, I do prefer an authentic relationship just like what you have now with a real guy.. And I'm currently getting myself busy with my doctorate degree as my priority and might wanna try dating only those I find interesting lol. And besides, thinking objectively whenever I meet a new guy helps me figure out if he deserves me. There are gazillions of jerks out there lol. I'm happy with my life now and I did gain enough strength and wisdom. Its really nice venting out to a board like this. Its like a therapy for me whenever I'm stressed out and its nice having people to react positively...So thanks.. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2009
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 6:03pm
First, let me tell you that you are okay and there is nothing wrong with staying single.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Sun, 04-19-2009 - 9:21am
Wow, thanks a lot.. =) and I'm glad you've met a great man. You deserve to be happy... I have plans when I graduate med school, I'll be doing some medical missions with my seniors and it would take much of my time.. It's my passion to help people and I'm happy doing the things I do. I just thought if ever there will be this new guy who'd come around and appreciate me, he should be someone who would gonna appreciate what I do too.. I just think that there are lots of physicians who have failed relationships and it's because their career takes much of their time.. I'm preparing myself to be completely happy, with or without a man on my side..But I would appreciate if a new guy comes along..=)