Just Wondering What Ya All Think!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Just Wondering What Ya All Think!
7
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 12:17am

Hello Everyone,

I was just wondering what everyone thought about stayin over at your boyfriends place when his parents live with him at his house. My family has issues with me staying at my boyfriends house because they feel its quite "slutty" of me to stay at my bf house for the majority of the week since I'm on summer break from work. A little background about my situation too. I am going to be 30 in about a month. I live with my sister. I am an Asian if that helps. I have been with my bf for a year and some. He lives about 1.5 hours aways from me. Anyway... that is my dilemma in that my family doesn't agree with the fact that I should go and spend so much time at my bf especially since his parents live with him. *sigh* I would gladly appreciate what ya all think and if you would offer any solutions, advice or comments. THANKS =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 12:31am

EDITED TO SAY: DUH, i just saw that you said you were 30 and living with your sister at this time.....

Therefore, I would say, if you feel the urge to remain "respectful" in the eyes of your parents, then don't stay at your bf's house. Or don't stay in his room, and tlel your folks you sleep in a spare room, or on the couch.

If you don't really care what your folks think (typical American style), then just do what you want, and ignore them.

Lastly, what does HIS parents think? Do they care?

You need to do what feels right for you. I'm asian, but my folks have always been very lax with me. I could have guys in my room, even during HS. I could have boys stay over, even later in life. And when they didn't allow it, I moved out. I did what I wanted. I can't say it was a great life, but at least I felt in control of my life. BTW, I'm 30, had been living at my folks house after my divorce, for the past 4 years. It got to the point of where they hated me being there, and I hated them being around, so I moved out...even though I can barely afford it. But, even with lack of food, lack of fun things, lack of money basically, I am 100x happier doing what I want on my own.

Good luck.




Edited 7/7/2005 11:27 am ET ET by pineapple_girl

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 8:02am

Well the simple solution would be for both of you to move out. Assuming you're around his age (late 20s early 30s), that would eb appropriate. Then neither set of parents would know what was going on and if they did at least it wouldn't be flaunted in front of their disapproving gazes.

Of course, that's a very American point of view. I don't know a lot about Asian culture and family life, but judging by movies and a stand-up comic or two (I know it's very stereotypically, but it's all I have to go on) it is different then your average American family with more extended family staying in the same household. Including living with your parents until you're much older and parents moving in with their children and retiring much younger.

So maybe the simple solution isn't all that simple for the two of you.

Ultimately you have to do what feels right to you and you think is best for you. Hopefully, if you explain things your family will understand. You didn't grow up in the same time as your parents it's normal for you to not have the same value system. My parents weren't thrilled when I moved in with my boyfriend during college but they accepted it. After all I grew up in a different time. Not better, not worse, just different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:53pm

I wouldn't feel comfy staying at my BF's if he lives with his parents. Instead, I'd arrainge to spend the nigth with him at a hotel/motel near by. However, I'd feel fine visiting him at his home during the day.

I'm curious to know what his parents think of you spending the night at their home? And how do you feel yourself spending the night at his home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 4:03pm

I lost the focus point of the post....... your parents disagree with your staying at your BF's home. Is this perhaps an Asian cultural belief? I'm half Latino AND my parents DISAPPROVE of young females staying over at their BF's home OR any female staying out if she's single for that matter. It's possible that your parents wouldn't do it and that they expect you not to do it. To better understand your parent's point of view, put yourself in your parent's shoes and think if you'd like your daughter to spend the night at her BF's home?

Finally, your actions dictate how you conduct your life and if it feels fine to you then you'll keep on doing it and your parent's opinions won't matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 4:17pm
Thanks! What you basically have said is what I have done. My bf and I have talked about this issue and he has said that his parents don't mind having me at his house. Partially it is because it's my boyfriends house. I also have decided that I should be living my life and not that of my family. My parents have already gotten to a point where they know I am old enough to decide what I am doing with my life. They may voice their opinion but I do as I please. It is mostly my sisters that have a problem. But who are they to say how I live my life when I don't tell them how to live theirs. But being we are family they say things because they care and want to protect their baby sister. Thanks again Pineapple Girl for your comment its basically what I have been feeling and doing. Good Luck on your endeavors too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 6:03pm

Glad I could help. Just make sure your sister won't kick you out if you dont' do as she wants. That could suck.

And yes, I think they probably are just trying to protect you, but at 30, it's time you made your own choices and mistakes.

Good luck.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 11:34pm
Well, you gotten the advice you seeked which was all great. I just wanted to Welcome you to the board. Feel free to post as often as you like.
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