The L word...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2012
The L word...
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 1:50pm
I've been with my boyfriend since January, so I realize that this isn't any exceptionally long amount of time to be with someone. We are still learning things about each other, and still really learning what makes each other "tick" but over the past month, I've really started to have loving feelings towards him. I know that we haven't known each other very long, and I wanted to make sure that I really do love him before I said anything (I also realize most guys bolt at the sign of this if it's too early, and I didn't want to drive him away) so I haven't said anything and I've been letting the idea of this stew in my head for quite some time. After about a month of letting the thought of this percolate, I've decided that I am in fact in love with him despite the short time I've know him. I know he's not perfect, and I don't invision some distorted view of what our relationship is, but I do know at I love him and I know that I want him to know that. The problem is.... He's 30 and never had a serious relationship. In fact, his best friend said I'm the only girl he's stayed with this long (girls dump him, not the other way around--he's really quiet and hard to get to know for them, apparently). He doesn't ever talk about what he's feeling, but I know he cares about me by the way our relationship has been unfolding and sweet little things he has done for me. I don't have a problem with his lack of verbal communication, as long as he still shows interest, and he does--so big deal. But I don't know how he will respond to the whole "I love you" thing... Even if he may be feeling it, too. I don't have a problem with letting this sit for a while longer, I'm not trying to rush anything before it's time, but I'd like to know your thoughts on this. Should I hold off on it still? Should I wait for him to say it, even though he may just be too shy? Do you think he's too inexperienced in real relationships to even know if he loves me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 04-29-2012 - 1:15am

I'm a man and I'm pretty quick to express feelings. I proposed to my wife the first weekend we met!!! However, not all men are so quick. My ex-girlfriend's brother didn't mention a word to his family about dating his future wife for over six months.

It's a good sign you've met your boyfriend's best friend. I'd give him another three months for him to say the L word first. You can use other terminology to indicate how you feel, but it is better for him to say it first. You also don't want to pressure or scare him, a real concern if he is shy. Being his first serious relationship and if things continue to go well, the feelings and the words will likely come. In fact, IMO, he'll have an easier time falling in love than a guy who caught his last girlfriend in bed with another man. Less experience can mean a less jaded, less wary approach.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 04-29-2012 - 11:59am

I think for now you should stick w/ things like "I had a great time w/ you tonight."  "you're so nice" "I really love it when you do X"--hint, you throw the word love in there sometimes but don't exactly say I love you.  If he's shy & inexperienced in relationships you want to go slow so I think saying ILY right now  would make him nervous.