Living Situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Living Situation
6
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 11:02am

Hi everyone, I'm a new poster, but not a new lurker :) I read the boards everyday and look for good advice to apply towards my realtionship. Today the question I have is kind of a unique one though.

My BF and I have been dating for a little over 3 years and have recently begun the talk of moving in together. Here's the issue, he currently owns several investment properties that are all mortgaged and may cause him to be unable to get an additional loan for yet another mortgage. Unfortuantely my credit is not the greatest (to say the least) so it is all on him. Not exactly fair I know, but it is what it is. My question is, would it be fair for me to ask him to sell one of the properties so that we may then use the money to buy a house for us? I know that these homes are an investment for the future, but wouldn't it be worth investing in our future together too?

Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

--CJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 12:04pm
Just wanted to ask a couple of questions:
Are all of the properties rented out? If not, you could live in one, he could refinance it as his primary residence and add you to the deed. That makes you part owner, and it allows him to get the loan.
If all of the homes are rented out, does he own the one he lives in, could you not move into that one?
I work in the mortgage business, which is why I was asking. there are a lot of ways to get it done some without selling one of the homes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 12:14pm

If you're one of the lucky ones to have an open and honest relationship with your partner, then he already knows your financial situation (thankfully it's one that can - and I'm sure will - be rectified over time).

Sounds like he's pretty money-savvy, so with a little time and planning (you might have to be a bit more patient - you can't just *boot* someone out of their home of course!), there should be no reason the two of you can't come to a mutual living arrangement.

Assuming he's in a more secure stage of life at this time - as part of this discussion, ask yourself:

-In light of my current situation, what can I bring to the table? You can make contributions of value regardless of your situation. If not the mortgage, maybe pay the homeowner's insurance premium, utility bills. Non-monetarily, you can clean the house, do the laundry, make phone calls and be home for necessary maintenance, etc. This not only shows your equality and commitment, but lets him know how much you care about him.

If you're prepared to offer up what you can today, he should appreciate your commitment to the relationship, and be willing to make it work too.

Expect that the house will be in his name until you're married - it's only fair. Once you get back on your feet, I'm sure with regular communication everything will be on track!

Good luck to you!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:13pm

I thought I answered this...but it looks like I didn't? Who knows, but anyway.

Unfortunately the city that he owns the properties in does not have the greatest school system for my daughter (4th grader) and none of the properties have enough land for our combined 5 dogs :) And also, I'll admit to being picky and not wanting to live in the city at all. I'm a country gal who likes a little bit of space and privacy from my neighbors :)

Since you're in the mortgage business I'll go a little deeper. All of his properties have been re-financed in order to get a newly purchased business up and running. This is why I am worried that he may not be able to get yet another mortgage. Also, that he doesn't have a "real" job with "real" income. He lives off of the properties and the new business.

My bad credit is due to past mistakes made within a very bad past relationship. I'm financially stable now and am doing my best to clean things up, it will just be a while before I'm there and everything is back in good standing. I do not expect him to carry me financially in any way, in fact I would insist that this never happens. I will pay half of all bills related to the home.

We do have a very open and honest relationship, I just don't know if me suggesting he sell a property is over stepping somehow. I mean he thinks things thoroughly through before he makes any decisions and has not offered this up as a possible solution. Which is why I wonder if I should or not.

Thanks for listening to me babble :) I really do appreciate it!

--CJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:34pm
Well not knowing his precise situation, I can offer you this. There are stated loans available for people with good credit. That basically means, he doesn't have to verify income, you just tell the lender how much he makes. All he would verify is his assets, money in the bank value of the houses and such, and get a CPA letter that states how long he has been self employed. Although this business is new, depending on how long he has owned these homes (2 years or more) he was already and would still be considered self employed. So that program could work.
There are also tons of programs that can work for people with not good credit (mine is also hideous). There are several options that he should look into. There are ways to get this done, just sit down and talk to him. Do you really want to be on the Deed, does he really want you on the Deed if you are not married, those kinds of things.
Just some ideas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 11:58am
Coming from past experience it might not be wise to combine finances and have him sell his property if you guys aren't married yet. I know you want to start a future with him but it might be wise to wait on that. I guess since I've had bad experiences living with guys and combining finances before marriage then I tend to advise other people to wait until marriage to move in and bring money into it. I'm not saying my situation mirrors others' but I think in MOST cases it's wise just to not go there. Maybe the reason why he hasn't talked about selling his property yet is because he feels as if he doesn't want to jump the gun quite yet. Think about things first and talk things out before you make huge decisions like this one. If you guys come to an agreement on this being something you really want to go forward with I'm sure you will figure out a way to make it work. Good luck with everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 5:14pm

Couple of questions.


1. Why can't he move in with you?
2. Why can't you move in with him?
3. Is renting not a factor for you two?


Lastly, if I was him, I wouldn't feel offended that my bf asked me to sell investement properties so we could buy a home together, however, I wouldn't do it either. If you wnat him to invest in your future, unless you both agreed to NO marriage, i would wait to ask him to invest so highly in the r'ship, until you guys are engaged, talking very seriously about being engaged or married.


Therefore, I would talk MORE to him about moving in together and I would talk DETAILS. If you're not willing to live outside of your area, then you may have to be willing to not live with him until he can afford a house or until he marries you, or until he chooses to let go of his properties.


If you have an open honest r'ship, you should be able to ask him about selling a property, w/o fear, and as an option, not a demand. And you should also be okay with him saying no.


good luck.