Long term relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Long term relationships
5
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 6:31pm
I think I may have posted something similiar to this. I'm just wondering what are your thoughts. Thanks in advance.
Do you think if a 36 year old man who has been in at least six short-term relationships since his college years (as long as a couple to a few months) will ever get to the point of something long term and maybe something serious? He has had one relationship in college, two in medical school, and a few after that. Does he have unrealisitc expectations of romantic relationships. He seems to equate physical intimacy with emotional intimacy...is this how men are wired? He claims to want to get married and have children one day so I know he wants something long term. He also has some personal issues where he doesn't get along with people very well. He has been twice fired within the past four years from his job because he doesn't get along with co-workers and bedside manners are not good. He doesn't seem to have any real close friends that are long term either. He seems shy, reserved, and quiet in the beginning but as he warms up to you, he is very proud, sarcastic, and belittling. But in general he has a very gentle and kind heart just socially anxious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 7:40pm

"He seems shy, reserved, and quiet in the beginning but as he warms up to you, he is very proud, sarcastic, and belittling. But in general he has a very gentle and kind heart just socially anxious."

As someone who wants to be a doctor (med school) I can't for the life of me understand why you'd want to be with someone who is "very proud, sarcastic, and belittling" and you justify that by him being "socially anxious".

It seems like you're reaching here. If those three things "proud, sarcastic, belittling" are part of his personality, it's no wonder he hasn't had ltr's.

My two cents. Beyond the fact that he hasn't had anythign serious since he was in his 20's, the fact that he can't hold a job, or that he can't even keep friends around, probably means, he isn't a good person.

I guess, if you like the proud, sarcastic, belitting type, then maybe you two coud hve something long term, but honestly, it sounds like he's just "not a nice person" and everyone agrees because they dont' want to be around him for very long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 1:18am
This guy is not shy nor socially anxious. He is someone who is really a BAD PERSON once you get to know him and could be worse. That is simply the reason why he doesn't have many friends and in general doesn't get along well with others. I have actually known a couple of people who are similar to the subject matter. I say, AVOID THIS PERSON AT ALL COST.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 3:22pm
Thank you all for your posts. He is my ex. I may have mislead you all to think that he behaves like this all the time. He has never exhibited these negative personality traits to me after knowing him for 17 months. He has always been kind and gentle to me. Very giving and accomodating even during our friendship after we broke up. He has told me about this side of him (sarcastic and belittling to some co-workers)after he was fired which was a shock to me. Maybe I was blind to not have seen these negative traits filter through his facade all this time. I have never witnessed this type of behavior with his friends or co-workers because I have never met any of them. He has always been polite with my friends. I had always pegged him as somewhat shy, quiet and reserved and it used to bug me not to know what he was thinking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 4:47pm

AS I learned first-handedly.

Just because a man doesn't treat you like crap, for the most part, won't mean that he never will. My xh treated ppl and talked about them badly, but never to me. Well, guess what happened when we had to work on our r'ship or get divorced. I was the one now being treated badly and talked about badly.

If i were you, I'd stay away from him. People who are two-faced, or even sociopaths, have BIG issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 12:16pm
Just curious...Hes your ex, so why are you wondering about these things? I have to say that I disagree with the other posts here. Some personality types have those dispositions and are not really bad or mean people - but it can certainly be a weakness. That sounds exactly like a rationalist's behavior...you can read about the different types under the link. http://keirsey.com/personality/nt.html That could give you some insight in understanding him if any of the descriptions sound like him. The way he treated you may not have been a fascade; however, to actually be Fired for things like that...it seems it would take a lot and over a period of time. Anyway, yes...I beleive it is possible for him to have a serious LTR but he needs to grow and open up and allow himself actual emotional intimacy and not a substitute.