Loniliness during the holidays...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Loniliness during the holidays...
7
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 9:11am

Sing it with me, folks: "It's the most wonderful time of the

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 5:31pm

Hi Marie!

Pianoguy (who admits that this is one of the toughest holiday seasons he has ever faced), has learned that it's better to celebrate based on desire, rather than what others expect! In other words, DO AS MUCH or AS LITTLE as your personal comfort dictates.

While this might sound a little selfish to people who "step into Christmas" (BIG-TIME)...I think it's often more harmful when individuals "pretend" to be having a good time for the benefit of family and/or friends...if the true feelings inside are being suppressed? I'm not suggesting that all family (or friendship) traditions should be completely abandoned? But perhaps a few of 'em might be 'curtailed a little?'

Unlike past years...I've approached this season at a pace that's comforting to me. It's much S-L-O-W-E-R and a bit more reserved. Doesn't mean I'm not celebrating, but considering my budget and desire to socialize, I've made a few cutbacks in the usual routine!

If a party invitation comes my way and I don't wish to attend, I'll be polite...make my excuses...and avoid it. If a few well-intentioned friends DEMAND that I pick out a Christmas Tree (just because they have one), put up decorations, or bake holiday goodies because "I've done this in year's past", I politely smile and say...."I'M NOT FOLLOWING THE SAME TRADITION THIS YEAR! However...if YOU wanna come over and decorate my house or bake me 2 months worth of cookies....GREAT!"

I honestly think the toughest issue about being single during the holidays is having thoughts (and perhaps a little desire) for a companion who HONESTLY enjoys the fact that I can become 'childlike' one minute...and then, an adult the next, and in both situations...still LOVE ME for the person I happen to be?

While such a lady or gentleman might not be present in your life this year(because of a break-up, an out-of-state family visit, or an S.O. who has made previous plans), I guess the BIG CHALLENGE is trying to deal with "the separation?" This is probably more difficult for most of us than anything connected with the season? Not having someone in your life during the happiest time of the year CAN be disappointing...but not impossible! Besides, who gets everything on a "wish list?" .

Having read and responded to more than 3 thousand posts during 2005, I've often wondered one thing? Is being in the company of someone who makes you uncomfortable...or who physically or verbally abuses you...really a better way to spend the holidays than to spend them alone? Living (or putting up) with an abuser of any sort seems to defeat "the real meaning of the season", doesn't it?

To those who are lucky enough to have a special someone....and to those who don't....MY SINCEREST BEST WISHES FOR PERSONAL HAPPINESS THROUGHOUT THE HOLIDAYS, IN ADDITION TO A BETTER YEAR AHEAD!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 6:14pm

Very nice post, Pianoguy.


Thank you, and Best Wishes (back) to you for a joyous Holiday Season.

jilly.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 6:36pm

It's pretty widely documented that the holiday season is a MAJOR time for stress and depression for many people.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 7:37pm
Thanks Jilly for sharing... Have a Merry Christmas and with your take on things I am sure you and your family will have joyous holiday.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 9:19pm
I was pretty sad during the Thanksgiving holiday thinking about my singledom and not having a man to share the holidays with so I know the feeling of loneliness. I guess this time for Christmas even though I haven't had time to put up a tree or lights or anything like that I feel better about the holidays. I'm trying to put the holidays into a realistic perspective this time around. Celebrating the holidays is about how joyous we feel inside about ourselves and the people that are surrounding us. I think the most important thing is if you are happy inside genuinely you will be able to enjoy the holidays with or without a partner. I think all these advertisements of happy couples and happy families are just that "advertisements" I don't believe that all these families around us who "appear to be happy" are really that happy. They could be going through more struggles than us singles because of being in an unhappy marriage and trying to plaster a smile on their faces for the sake of the children. Some probably are happy and they are very lucky but I think that we can be almost as happy as these genuinely happy couples being single because we do have the ability to find joy within and for all the positive stuff that is happening around us. We also have to look forward to a new healthy future relationship wheras the people in unhappy r'ships will continue to pretend they are happy and continue to feel miserable or will eventually be going through a breakup. I guess the best thing is trying to go with the flow of life, be true to yourself and try your best to find love and be genuinely happy inside.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 4:21pm
Thanks Marie... I extend the same wishes for joy to you and yours.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Thu, 12-22-2005 - 11:34pm
Bottle of Vodka :)