Losing my Fiance

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Losing my Fiance
3
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 11:57am

I have been with my fiance for about two years now. Ive had my fair share of horrible relationships but this one is different. He is the most amazing, loving, patient man I have ever met. The only problem is that for the past year for some reason I have turned to alcohol and an eating disorder. My fiance has spent a great deal of that time thinking it would just go away. Finally after another night of me being drunk and billigerant he finally gave me an ultimatum to stop. That was a month and a half ago. I have been seeing a doctor and have done better but have had a couple of relapses. He has been to the point a few times of telling me to move out but I have always convinced him I would do better. I actually have Ive gone some time w/o drinking. Well last night was the last straw I bought a drink and hid it under the bed. I didnt drink it just thought about it. well he found it and was convinced i had drank it. Well needless to say that was the last straw. I feel like all of this has not been worth it I may have destroyed the best thing in my life! I want to convince him of how hard Im trying and how much I am actually progressing. How do I fix this potentially broken relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: clf103
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 12:22pm

Hi and welcome to the board... You can fix this by continuing on your road of getting sober and staying away from alcohol. He will see the progress and go from there. But, he can not sit around idle and watch you destroy yourself. So while your going through this keep focused not to drink and making it through and your fiance will see your progress.


Could you email me please bastphilliy@yahoo





Edited 1/11/2006 12:51 pm ET by cl-bastphilliy
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
In reply to: clf103
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 12:31pm

"Finally after another night of me being drunk and billigerant he finally gave me an ultimatum to stop....I bought a drink and hid it under the bed. I didnt drink it just thought about it. well he found it and was convinced i had drank it."

Looking back, that was pretty stupid on your part wasn't it!? I don't understand though, was it opened? Could he see that it was opened or was it still sealed shut? You've got to understand how this looks from his perspective and basically throw your pride down and ask for forgiveness. Tell him it was so stupid of you, and that because of your history he has no reason to trust that what you say is true (then bring up that it's never been opened, but humbly, not as an "I-told-you-so"). Tell him you don't deserve it, but you're asking for him to forgive you and keep moving forward.

Then go get yourself the new self help book BAD CHILDHOOD GOOD LIFE and figure out why you're intentionally screwing up a possibly wonderful future with "the most amazing, loving, patient man I have ever met".

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
In reply to: clf103
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 6:40pm
You can'y control your drinking b/c you're an alcoholic. You might need to go to rehab. Does your therapist know you are drinking? You are not having relapses. You are actively drinking. I know, I lived with an alcoholic for 8 years. You have to be willing to change. No one can do it for you. There are many programs out there from AA, outpatient, inpatient and individual therapy. I know it's not easy to quit. I watched my exhusband slowly get worse. I kicked him out b/c I couldn't watch him die in front of me and that's what would have happened. Please get help for yourself first. If your fiance sees you are truly serious he might be willing to stick it out but you have to do it for you not him. You can email me pam02969@yahoo.com Good luck and I wish you all the best.