Lost in Love....
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| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 6:15pm |
Hello everyone!
I have a long story so please bear with me...
I am in love with a man I met nine years ago, it didn't work out then because of his mother (we were in highschool at the time) and then I joined the Navy. I promised to keep in touch with him and I never did because I figured I would just get my heart broken again. I went home on Christmas leave a year and a half later with a fiance and this other man called. I told my mother to tell him I was engaged and didnt want to speak with him. I cried and cried after she told me he said "well, tell her I am sorry". 2 1/2 years later, he emails me and conjures up all of my old feelings and I desperately wanted to see him but I had a 2 year old and was pregnant with my second child. I continued emailing him for about 8 months and then I ended it not very nicely... I was angry that he thought he could just waltz into my life and re-surface my strong feelings for him... I was unhappily married at the time and angry because I saw no way out since I was a stay home mom. He respected my wishes and quit emailing me.
Then, my husband and I separated 2 years later and I emailed him... the funny thing is he never received my email but he emailed me two weeks after I had emailed him! Well, we met and went out for about a month... things were very heated in my separation... I was told by this man that in problematic situations he always wants to fix them himself and he didn't see how he could fix this for me and that too much was going on in my life at the time that he felt he had no place getting involved in.
I was devastated! We talked off and on for a while and then later that year, I decided to get back with my husband and try to work things out. My husband and I went out one night and I ran into the other man and just went weak in the knees and started crying... I knew then that I couldnt be happy with anyone else. He had a girlfriend though and was getting ready for a move with her to another state. We ended up spending a couple of nights together before I did go back to my husband and then we didnt talk for a long time because it was just too hard for me, I had to sever all ties or deal with depression.
I called him about six times over the past year... I guess one night I was intoxicated and made plans to meet him and forgot about it... I recently emailed him because I heard a song that reminded me of him. I found out that he is now single and that he regrets not handling things differently, that he loves me too and that he thinks we could have had a wonderful life together! This is exciting and depressing to me at the same time.
I would do anything to spend the rest of my life with him... I feel like we were meant to be but we made the wrong choices and we now realize that. I dont know what to do. I know I probably sound like a crazy woman... but I cannot help it. My feelings for him are so strong... the feelings for my husband could never compare to the feelings for this other man. I feel horrible about that but I just can't control my emotions.
Thank you for reading and any advice you may offer!!!

Wow! What a story. My only advice. If you two start a r'ship, even dating, drop EVERY pre-conceived notion you have about each other, and re-learn about the other person. I am sure, over the years, you both have this fantasy of what the other is supposed to be like, when in reality, you both have changed immensly.
So, it's very important that you drop those fantasies, and learn about each other, just as you would before. Do NOT assume you know this person. Otherwise, neither of you will live up to the perfection of your fantansy that you created, and end up apart again.
I hope this works. Maybe all you needed was time to grow up.
~pineapple_girl
"My feelings for him are so strong... the feelings for my husband could never compare to the feelings for this other man."
If this is true, troubled or not, not a great guy or not, your husband doesn't deserve to be used as a back up becasue you're too afraid to go for who your truly want. First things first, end your sham of a marriage, you don't love your husband and he deserves to be set free to find someone who does.
I know you have kids and that complicates things and the situation is further complicated by the fact you're a stay at home Mom. But women with kids and little or no work experience get divorced and strike out on their own all the time. You can do it too.
This other man was right; he can't fix this for you. You need to leave your husband and get your feet under you and THEN try to pursue something with this other man. If you love him you'll agree he deserves better then to have to pick up the pieces left from the mistakes you made. Follow the other poster's advice and become friends with this man as you heal yourself and get your new life as a single Mom in order.
Give yourself a chance to feel empowered to change your life for the better and to make the right choices for yourself. You wont feel that by leaping from the arms of your husband into the arms of your lost love. You'll only get that from healing and getting your life together under your own steam. There's nothing wrong with having some support, but you need to do the work yourself, otherwise, where will you be if things don't work out with this other man either.