Love discovered too late?
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| Mon, 05-23-2005 - 6:49pm |
Hello..
I've never been here before, but find myself searching my heart for answers- hoping some of you have found yourself in my situation before.
After five months of dating, my boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago. He initiated the split citing that he knew I cared for him, but felt it was more a friendship type of relationship on my part.
He loved me and wanted us to be together, but thought I wasn't committed to the idea because of my hesitancy to be affectionate. Yes, I'll admit I was often times undemonstrative, but I thought some of the hesitancy to give more of myself was because I was unsure of where things may go.
Now for some background: as part of his funding for medical school, he was eventually (next year) going to be required to relocate to a different part of the country to work for a two year period. The program is designed to help pay off a large portion of the student loan, in addition to serving an underpriviledged community's health concerns.
At first, we didn't bring this factoid up too often. I think we both realized how hard it would be to get so close to someone knowing they would eventually leave. And I think a lot of my hesitation to get closer/show affection stemmed from this. It was frustrating and hurtful for him, no doubt.
Yet, we continued getting together with frequency, enjoying our times together and always anticipating our next "date". When he went to Hawaii recently for a month to work, out of the blue, he told me that he loved me one evening on the phone. I was very touched.. yet not quite sure what to say. Did I love him too?
I knew I cared for him immensely. We formed a closeness easily, and most things we shared together felt like second nature. I was always happy to see him the next time.
When he called to end things a few weeks ago, he said that he loved me but felt that I didn't share the same feelings for him. That if he knew I was committed to the idea of "us", he would have tried everything in his power to stay as close to the area as possible. But because I didn't seem up for that- that it wasn't worth it.
What he said next really hurt. "I don't think I can talk to you anymore or be your friend because I love you too much and my feelings are too strong, I'll always want something more if we're together- and it would be too hard for me".
Ugh.
I think about him everyday and feel a huge void in my life. All of a sudden, it's like I've been slapped into reality and see just how special he was, and how he imprinted himself on my heart. I feel as though I threw something special away before giving it a chance to grow. Had I been obtuse in thinking we couldn't work around the distance issue? Should I have given it a shot? Am I being too much of a realist? So many questions keep spinning in my head.
All I know, is that I miss him greatly and feel like a part of me is missing. I'm also feeling that I really did love him, but denied it. That I may very well have made a huge mistake in letting him go. I haven't felt this way in a long time and it saddens me to think I may never see him again.
Can love be discovered after the fact?
If anyone can offer some wisdom, I'd surely appreciate it.

My two cents...
I believe love can be discovered AFTER the fact, however, be sure that you are 100% sure it's him you want. And if he is, then I'd start to plan my life on how to pursue HIM. Meaneing, w/o being a stalker, talk to him, make an effort to show him your affections and that you want him in your life. Even if it means moving to the city where he lives. Like I said, no stalking, so get this with his permission.
I don't think he'll believe you, and you will have to prove your love to him.....
however, like I said, you better make sure it's love you have for him, versus just missing his companionship.
Why hurt a guy twice, y'know.
~pineapple_girl