Love Hurts

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
Love Hurts
6
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 9:25pm

Ok, so here is the deal...and I will try to make it short!


I met this guy last August when I started my new job (we both are student workers at Ohio State's library) and mid-October we had our first official date. This came after a couple of weeks of "seeing each other" when I took the first step and invited him over. We were both unsure at that time if we were truly interested in each other or if the other was interested...but I decided what the heck. It ended with him giving me my first kiss. And this is also my first relationship, of course....I am 21.


Since then, we have spent a LOT of time together. We even spent some time in Rome on a class trip, spent a week in Philadelphia together. We see each other at least half if not more of the week. For the most part, I let him make the plans (to make sure I know he is still interested...since I had my doubts since I was the first one to go for it in the beginning).


Here is the tough part: We are both going to graduate school...and not to the same school and not even in the same country. I'm off to Indiana. He is headed for Scotland. We have known this for awhile...since

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
In reply to: mosaic1776
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 9:39am

Hi there,


It's an exciting time for you, getting your college education, and experiencing your first romance. From the outside looking in, from

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
In reply to: mosaic1776
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 12:49pm

Any kind of "firsts" are always going to be memorable, or hurt in some fashion for some people. Honestly, I don't ever see this working out for you in the long run. One thing to understand with stuff like that is some relationships (even if they are BF/GF official RL's) only last for a certain period of time, whether it be a few days, weeks or months.

When it's the RIGHT person, you don't have to explain yourself, or question whether or not your in a RL with someone. You don't have to 2nd guess things either. It either IS or it ISN'T, and it's as simple as that. As far as your status in public or being an "introvert" and not being expressive...frankly I think that's lack of experience, and excuses involved. When he's the right one, he won't be that hard to read. It's best if you take off the "blinders" and see the RL for what it's worth at this point.

As far as telling him that you love him, I think you may want to hold off on that. There's sex going on with this guy too early on, and your questioning the RL status with him already. Nextime, when you get into your next RL, make SURE that you know the status of the relationship before you start giving it up too soon with him. It will save you a lot of heartache and trouble in the long run.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
In reply to: mosaic1776
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 2:49pm

Thanks for your input! It is greatly appreciated!


Oh, and I should mention that he is 5 years older than me. He finished a degree and then went back to school. And maybe this has something to do with this?


I am very happy with him. I am sorry if I gave the wrong impression. It hurts because we have to be apart. I am seeking help on trying to clear up some issues and guidance on how to get a guy to open up. While this is complex, it is only a slight frustration. I just care about what he feels in his heart. As long as he considers me to be his girlfriend and we are happy together, then I don't need everyone else to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2008
In reply to: mosaic1776
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 6:15pm

mosaic1776,


I had to reply because, I've been in your shoes. I'm 25 and I can tell you what I've learned from personal experience: 1. Love shouldn't be a painful/hurtful experience. If you're experiencing more frustration and sadness than happiness, then its time to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
In reply to: mosaic1776
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 4:40pm

I think this list was great advice!

1. Love shouldn't be a painful/hurtful experience. If you're experiencing more frustration and sadness than happiness, then its time to move on. (This is very very true.)

2. If you have to question whether or not you are officially bf and gf...then you're not official. If a guy really cares about you, he won't hesitate to ask you to be his gf and he will be honored for his friends and family to meet you and to know about you, including his facebook circle of friends. I have experienced guys not wanting to put their relationship status on FB and there is usually a reason behind it, and not a good reason.

3. Typically when a guy falls in love with you, he will voice it freely without hesitating. You can tell him you love him first, but you would do so at your own risk. Like I said...been in your same shoes. (yes he will and he'll say it out loud!)

4. You are still young with schooling to finish and like previous posters have said, you change and grow a lot within the time you're in college, until the time you're out and living on your own in the adult world.

5. It's not hard for a guy to open up if its a good relationship for you to be in. Sometimes they don't open up bc they aren't feeling the feelings you want them to and you deserve to have someone to love you, and not for you to have to pull it out of them. (very true)

It's your first love relationship. These are never meant to last. It's like training wheels for the future. I would probably have to look at going to different schools as the end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
In reply to: mosaic1776
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 9:41pm

Thanks for the advice!

I think I am sad/frustrated because we are physically going to be apart. And it just hurts thinking of that last day.

This week a lot happened in regards to expressing what we are/how we feel/exclusivity---is that a word...haha I couldn't help but break down for a few hours