love of my life- someone else's?
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love of my life- someone else's?
| Sun, 03-13-2005 - 4:32pm |
i'm in love with my high school sweetheart. we broke up (as many usually do) but he recently came back into my life. He told me that he is still in love with me, and wants to be with me, but there's a catch............he's with someone else. i told him that the only way he and i will ever rekindle what we once had is if he gets rid of the girl he's with now. he says that he doesn't want to hurt her and that he needs time to break it off. he says that they're relationship is almost gone, but he doesn't want her to hate him. i really, really love him. He's the love of my life.....but i know that it would be wrong of me to get involved with him knowign that he has a girlfriend. i already konw the answer to my question, but......... what should i do?

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WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT until he is no longer with his girl friend. If you don't wait, people...ALL the people involved will get hurt. You will always be the other woman. And it's possible that one day you might find your self paraniod because if he cheated WITH you....what might he do TO you. Now I totally do not believe in once a cheater always a cheater, but I know it can linger in the back of your mind sometimes.
If he really is in love with you back, he will move on from his current girl. If he doesnt', theres really nothing you can do.
My thoughts.........
Not only WAIT for him to break up with his current gf, but also, make him take some time to be alone and get over her.
My biggest issue with this situation, besides the adultery part, is that right now, ANY WOMAN probably looks better than his gf, and he probably only remembers the good times you had and he probably fantasizes about those, instead of the reality of life.
Question, why did your r'ship end before? What do you think is different now? You can answer these to the board, or to yourself.
But I know this much. I met a great man, who I loved. And we fell in love. And then we broke up. He came back to me every single time he had a bad day or week or wasn't happy with his gf, because he would remember the good times we had, but he'd forget the bad times. He said he never stopped loving me, yet he had no problem living with his gf, and loving her too, and cheating on her (at the time, I didn't realize he had a gf, I thought he was single, so I was willing to try again). Well, in the end, he said, "I love the both of you, why can't I see both of you?" and I said, "you can gladly see the both of us, but I want to talk to her about it and set some ground rules" I said it because I KNEW he would not allow me to see her nor speak to her.
Basically, he lived in a fantasy world, that when he was talking to me, or with me, he was away from the crappy life he was leading, yet, wasn't willing to walk away.
Oh yeah, my xh did this to me too. Just a few months ago. So have other xbfs. And the thing I see that common about these men? they promise you the world, say EVERYTHING right, treat you like a queen, yet in the end, they're cheating on their spouse/gf and we're the fantasy that's sustaining them.
Seeing as how your guy doesn't have the guts to break up with his gf, cuz he doesn't want to hurt her? WHATEVERS, to me, that's a cop-out. I guess he figures, cheating isn't hurting. Promising another woman he wants to be with her, won't hurt her. Finding out that he's got plans to be with another woman, won't hurt her. But telling her he wants to break up cuz he's not happy, WILL hurt her. cop-out.
Hence, my advice. WAIT until he's single. and then do NOT date him for at least 3 months (you can hang out as friends, but nothing more). make him PROVE to you it's more than a fantasy and that he's willing to do the work, to prove to you he's trustworthy, and not just following some escape tactic dream....and you're the leading lady. he's escapeing his current r'ship, by dreaming about you.........NOT in a real sense, but in the sense that everything btwn you two will be perfectly happy. BTW, just remember, if he becomes unhappy with you, I'm sure he'll find another exgf to make him "happy" in dreamland, just like he's doing with you...............maybe.
Hello and welcome, missverde!!
My advice...is GET AWAY FROM HIM!!
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
BIG HUGE GIANT BRIGHT RED RIGHT THERE IN YOUR FACE FLAG! He makes you feel BAD about that??? That is nothing to feel bad about at all. He is an @ss for making you feel this way. IMHO, he is no not worth it and there are much better men out there. Does is current GF realize any of this?? Normally I do no buy "once a cheater always a cheater" but if this guy is guilt tripping you about this .... FIRST, I not entirely convinced you are the only one he's wanting to cheat on her with, so you might want to be careful because of that. SECOND, He sounds like the type who "if he'll do it with you he'll do it to you" WATCH YOUR SELF!
Dump the loser! otherwise some day he will be talking to someone else about you saying "yeah, i don' love her... never did.. i only love you, and i will get rid of her when i can. Wanna jump into my bed".
MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MSEdited 3/22/2005 9:15 am ET ET by delilah2005
Let me ask you something....
If you LOVE him like you THINK you love him, and if you feel that love is worth it all, then why DON'T you be his mistress and screw it all?
No offense to anyone, but MANY "other women" use LOVE as the biggest excuse to be with a married man, or to cheat.
So, what's stopping you from being that mistress? From ruining someone else's life? Who cares? It's LOVE!!!
If you love him, why aren't you willing to do anything and BE anything (slut, #2, mistress, whatevers) to be with him? If you are using LOVE as a reason to even consider this, then why not accept your position (#2 lover, mistress, etc), and just be with him?
Love is not a reason to do any of the above. If you are willing to lower your values in the name of love, then it's not love for yourself, nor for the other person.
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