love one, but with another

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
love one, but with another
2
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 10:15pm

Hello.

Im 21 years old and in a relationship. Just last summer, I met this guy. he was great, sweet, caring, perfect. i had such great comfort with him. i found myself in him. i felt complete. we spent time together, nites together (nothing happened, but a some kissing and holding)....either way, he was too busy with his studies to even acknowledge his feelings. he never told me he had feelings until we got into a huge fight about 6 months later. he said he had feelings yet we both needed to get over it and he said that he doesnt wanna be friends with me anymore because i caused alotta problems (i would tell my close friend about our intamacy , bc i would be so confused, and he didnt know how to handle it). so pretty much i was in a "no one knows" relationship. it was never official...

either way, then there was this guy who really liked me, but i wuldnt give him the time of day....we takled for a couple months, hung out, etc....but then i gave him a chance, and weve been together for 3 months....

in that one month after me and the first guy had that huge fight, i stilled talked to him a little..he told my good friend "how do u think it makes me feel with what shes doing" (basically seeing this guy, which made no sense bc he never really wanted to BE with me) after that, we stopped talking...its been 2 months since then and we havent spoken. no phone calls, no instant messaging (i blocked him), no saying hi if i see him on campus

So now, im with this guy who cares for me, and i do too....but, it doesnt feel like the way i cared for that other guy... i mean, he kepes me happy, takes care of me, but hes a lot different from me. hes a strong person, very motivated in life, very confident.....we get along but still have fights.. i tell him i love him and he says the same but....is it wrong for me to still miss that other guy? i mean i miss our friendship, i miss the way i cared for him.... my guy friend (whose his friend too) thinks i mite still love him....i dont believe that i do....i wonder if he still thinks of me..... i wonder what he feels... i figure he prolly doesnt even care about me, and doesnt even think of me....

i have too much pride to ever call him or message him... and my bf would not like it cuz in a way my feelings for him prevented me from any possible feelings for my now boyfriend....and i cant tell my bf all this.. i want things to work bw me and my bf.. i dont want to be with the other guy.... i just dont know what im feeling...sometimes i wish that something would happen and id run into him and somehow wed start talking....its like this eerie feeling.... i love spendin time w/ my bf no doubt...but his outlook on life is a lil different from mine so its somethin that we compromise on....i dont know what to do....contacting that guy is not an option.....do i really still love him? is that what it is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 1:42am

I think you want to know 'what if' with the other guy from last summer... you want to know what could be... because you feel like you never really had the chance. You feel comforted with the guy you are with right now but you are still feeling fond memories for the other guy. It's very hard to make it work with someone if you are inside, thinking about someone else. I share your struggles... from my experiences, you will probably not get completely over the guy from last summer until you met the next guy that give syou taht real 'whoop' feeling. I'm not sure you have it for your current boyfriend. You are only 21 - peopole will tell you that... you have a long life of time to find someone else... but I wouldn't look at it like that because I am 31 now and still haven't found the one. If you find him at 21 - go with it.... but don't settle that is for damn sure... make sure you feel that passion for someone that you know in your heart you need to feel.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 2:57am
do you think he wonders about me too? yes, ur rite, i had great passion for him, i miss that too..