In Love- or is it??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2005
In Love- or is it??
14
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 1:52pm
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I love him dearly. We've been in a LDR for about 1 1/2 yrs (i moved away after graduating from college). Only recently have I been asking about the marriage thing and he seems to accept and want it too. At the same time however, i just met someone. My boyfriend is nothing what I thought i'd end up with. He has a different religion(which isn't a problem, we've discussed it), backgrounds aren't alike at all, its definately opposites attracting. The guy I just met, seems to be my "perfect" guy. (or what i thought were the right qualities for a guy to have). So now, do I get to know this new guy because he has the qualities I want(ed), or do I continue in my loving relationship even though we are so different (which has yet to be a huge problem). I am 23, and my boyfriend is 28(but still in college) and i want to get married soon and he doesn't. the new guy however, would like to get married as soon as he finds " the one". the new guy has no idea i'm interested. But should I go for it? or forgo him? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 2:32pm

myab215...

It's just PG's 2 cents, but just because you've discovered a man with a mutual desire to marry....DOESN'T MEAN HE'LL BECOME "THE PERFECT HUSBAND" or SOULMATE?

Your previous b/f and you have a 3-year history. How long have you actually been seeing 'the new guy?'

The amount of time you've spent "getting to know each other" could make a big difference when it comes to the "HAPPILY EVER AFTER" ending you appear to want?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 2:51pm
It seems like you want to be with whichever guy wants to marry you and that's sooooo not the way to go. If you truly love your b/f and you accept the fact that you are both very different then what is the problem? Why are yuo looking else where? I feel bad for your b/f becasue he probably has no idea that you think your relationship has issues. I think that new relationships are always fun and promising but why sacrifice what youhave with your LT b/f when its pretty much smooth sailing. Maybe it's the LD that is getting to you. If that is the case then you need to address that issue specifically. If I were you I wouldn't even look else where. If you truly accept him then you should be content. Best of luck and keep us posted!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 8:11pm
If you're looking elsewhere or finding yourself interested in someone else, then by no means are you ready to marry your BF. Don't settle, ok? And, by all means, don't move onto someone else until you've ended your current relationship. It's not AT ALL a promising way to start a new relationship nor is it fair to your current BF. If you do break up with your long-distance BF, it should be because you would have anyway ... for reasons that you believe make you not compatible for the long-run ... not just because someone new or better came along, kwim?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 8:50pm

Hi Myab215! ITA w/Starbuck70. Please listen to her, she is very knowledgeable and gives great adivce, many times I want to respond to many posts, but she most always give the advice I would have given and beats me to the punch.

P.S. - Thanks Starbuck.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 1:25pm
It's not at all that I doubt my love for my boyfriend. If he asked me today to marry him, i'd say yes. The thing that gets me is that I've had in my mind what the "perfect guy" would be. and he isn't that at all. Now, i find "the perfect guy". i'm a full believer that there is more than one "the one". Dont get em wrong. I love my boyfriend to death and I feel that (aside form the long distance) we are great together. But who knows what this other guy could be like? He could be another one. Thanks for your advice though. It really put me straight as far as if I was being silly. And I think I am. :) thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 2:27pm

<< Please listen to her, she is very knowledgeable and gives great adivce, many times I want to respond to many posts, but she most always give the advice I would have given and beats me to the punch.>>

Thanks Freedom!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 2:31pm

<< It's not at all that I doubt my love for my boyfriend. If he asked me today to marry him, i'd say yes. >>

I'd suggest seriously considering the depth of your love for your BF. While you may love him, if you have your eye on someone else or are considering someone else as the possible "one for you" ... I'd say that you'd likely be marrying your BF, if he asked, because he asked! Not because you are SURE about him. In which case, you do have doubts about whether he is right for you. Otherwise, you wouldn't even be considering this other guy, true?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 3:43pm

Why ruin a good thing between you and your boyfriend for something that may or may not work? Just because it seems as though you and your boyfriend don't have much in common, obviously something has kept you together for a year and a half. IMO you should stay with your boyfriend if he's the man you love and can see a future with. Remember, the grass is not always greener on the other side...

~Stacy~

cl-stacymt29

cl for: Real Life Confessions

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 2:00pm

I have to back up starbuck on this.

I understand what you're saying about there being more then one "the one" and I totally agree. The thing is part of finding the person that is right for you is also being at the right time in your life to commit to a lifetime together. I know you're sayign you wnat to get married but wanting to get married and being ready to get married are two VERY different things.

The fact that you are questioning whether your bf of three years who you say you love and get along well with is the one for you becasue a guy that after a few weeks better fits the image you had in your head of your ideal guy indicates to me that while you may wnat to get married you probably aren't ready to get married.

Please don't be offended but that kind of thinking is a pretty clear indication of needing some more emotional clarity and to do some MAJOR soul-searching before taking a leap that will effect the rest of your life. And as another poster pointed out it is VERY unfair to leave your current bf in the dark while you basically start dating someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 7:41pm

If you trully knew that your current boyfriend was "The One", you really wouldn't even consider this other guy. That said if you don't take risks you will never know, just be prepared for not getting either of them in the end if you do decide to pursure the new guy. Have you tried talking with you bf about how you feel? Communication is always paramount i n any relationship, if he knows how you feel he may be able to help (or realise he might be losing you and that may prompt him to ask you alot sooner to marry him ;) ).

Good Luck, just make sure you do what YOU feel is the right thing.

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