making decisions
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making decisions
| Wed, 03-15-2006 - 6:12pm |
How do you guys go about making decisions on dating/relationship situations. I have 3 possible decisions I could make right now and none of them will be easy but none of them stick out in my head as a clear good/right decision for me. I've been sitting on this for a couple of months now and I still don't know what to do. I'm just wondering what you guys have done when faced with tough decisions, what steps did you take and how did you finally come to a conclusion of what you needed to do? I hate being faced with this challenge and I also hate the fact that none seem to jump out at me as being clearly a good one for me but I have to choose one of them. I have prayed and asked god for guidance, tried to meditate etc etc but nothing still seems clear.

Do you really *have* to make a decision right now? Sometimes things become clearer in time (and not necessarily in a couple months) if you just let things be. I have an inkling of what you're trying to decide (does it have to do with the military guy?) and it may be that just letting it BE is the right choice (or is that already one of the 3 options, LOL?).
Another possibility is making pro/con lists, then telling yourself you're going to go with the choice that has the most pros, and seeing what your immediate gut reaction is to that choice. Another way to test your gut is to put all three choices in a hat (assuming you really feel you could do any of them), pick one, and see what your gut reaction is to the one you picked.
For better or worse, it seems like many of my relationship decisions are motivated by being in pain about the way something is. When the pain gets to be too much, then I will make a decision but it can take a lot to get to that point...one of the things I'd like to change about myself is not waiting so long!
Sheri
Sheri - I love your options for making decisions. LOL Im actually thinking of trying them out. Im like you, I have a habit of waiting too long to make choices also, I wait too until the pain is unbearable. Maybe tomorrow Ill try that pros and cons list.
Renee - Im not familiar with your situation, but I do sympathize with you. Decisions can weigh very heavy on the mind and soul. Ill always ask for advice, but I tend to end up following my heart. Thats not always been my best choice, but sometimes its all we really have. A friend of mine always says "think with your heart, because your heart will tell your head what to do".
I know this doesnt help much, but like I said, Im a bit clueless to your situation. Good Luck, and I hope you find your peace of mind.
Yes, you are right :-) These decisions have to do with the guy I'm seeing in the Navy. I still do really like him but I just dont' want to put my life on hold for him without having more information and spending more time together and having a longer term r'ship with having gone through rough patches and getting past the honeymoon phase.
Decision #1 would be to let things be the way they are, keep in contact with him on a consistent basis like we have and keep it casual and having the option to date others. Like I have been doing here and there but when I date too much it ends up confusing me and the guy in the Navy is usually still on my mind.
#2 Just stop dating period and work on myself, do my own thing and continue to see the Navy guy (we'll call him T) when he gets back.
#3 Stop contact with T and get on with my dating life so I can concentrate on meeting other men who are here in town and not in the military so I don't get confused and I am able to open up more to other possibilities.
I really dont' think I'm going to choose option #3 because I dont' want to cut off contact with T. I enjoy hearing from him and I know he feels the same. It's just really hard to date when my mind keeps gravitating towards him. He'll be gone for 3.5 more months so time is going by pretty quick and will approach fast for his return but I definately dont' want to stop my life for him. I don't think I am though. I am having fun doing the things I really like to do and working on myself/getting to know myself better in the meantime which is good it's just that I have to decide whether I want to try to date others and chance that I'm just going to confuse myself even more. I definately think too much lol.
Maybe you are right, I don't need to make a decision right away and maybe if I live day by day doing the things I enjoy doing and stop trying so hard and thinking too much about this "decision" I have to make then things will become more clear to me.
It sounds to me like you're putting pressure on yourself to make a decision you don't really have to make. 3.5 months really isn't a long time at all...why not just keep doing what you're doing? If you meet someone you really like, I think thoughts of T will diminish naturally...and you could also cut back on the amount of contact you have (are you still emailing every day?).
Sheri