Marriage fears? not 5 months ago though

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Marriage fears? not 5 months ago though
4
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 12:54pm

Hi People,
I met my boyf six months ago and after a month he was talking marriage and babies. we had a fall out due to his bad temper and he pretty much ignored my attempts to contact him for 3 months though we never properly broke off. Two weeks ago we met up again and made up and he really seems to have made an effort to be nice. He is hinting at our future together eg what we'll do on November 5th next year, so not so overt as before. I try to play it cool saying 'let's not jump the gun' but think I've indicated by making efforts to see him and start up again that I am serious about him, though not taking things for granted yet. I don't want to pressure him either.

BUT last weekend he mentioned his fears of any marriage of his not working out and he actually said 'it's nothing to do with you, you're wonderful. i just wonder if I can change enough'. he is a very self-sufficient man and since we last saw each other on 7th November he has sent me ONE text, that is all the contact I have had with him. I had mentioned before that I would like to hear from him more often but he very often does the opposite of what I ask of him and doesn't think it indicates any less feeling. He refuses to answer his phones generally, and when I'm with him he lets them ring. He's pretty unconventional which is what I like about him. We laugh a lot, have fun in bed, are on the same wavelength and fell in love.

Is he having major second thoughts? if so why bother reconciling and trying again? is it possible to get back to where we were in July with the magic and the fun and if so how do i do that? have I ruined it all by making such a big effort to get back to him so he's not chasing any more?

thanks for reading this far. any advice would be useful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 1:43pm

When a man talks about marriage and babies after only a month is preposterous. He couldn't be serious. Furthermore, it does NOT mean a proposal. They are just lines jerks use to play games. Please don't fall for cheap words until you see an expensive ROCK on your finger.

I don't think he's being a BF to you. He's got a temper and he's also ignoring you. Let me sum it up ... HE'S IS NOT INTO YOU. Sorry and I wish you luck with the next love in your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 2:41pm
I agree, and would like to add. I think he is playing you. Not answering his phone when your around then he must not be answering your calls when he is around another. Continue to allow your wishes to be ignored and the situation will never get better. How you allow a person to treat will become their pattern. If you want more ask for it and if you do not get it then move on. If he really wants you bad enough he will respect your wishes and do what it takes to keep you around.

Marie

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 4:15am
Thanks for your thoughts. Looks like I've totally messed this one up. I read someone else's posting about a guy seeing a girl sleeping with him as a benchmark for potential marriage material ie if she does she's off the short list, and I think I blew it that way after our reunion. I thought too if he was coming on so strongly about wanting me in his life long-term that I should believe him and that he knows what he wants, so try to ignore the fears created by previous baggage and 'love as if i'd never been hurt' etc.
So despite him ignoring me for 3 months I wanted to forgive that, not give him a hard time and get back to where we were. I don't think there is anyone else or at least there wasn't, but maybe now two weeks later there is.
But I think on reflection he particularly lacks compassion of any sort and simply lacks respect for anyone, far less a 'woman'. So I will try to pick up the pieces again and be less giving in future.
Thanks again. It was useful to have an objective view.
R
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 3:39pm

>>I read someone else's posting about a guy seeing a girl sleeping with him as a benchmark for potential marriage material ie if she does she's off the short list, and I think I blew it that way after our reunion<<

Don't blame yourself. It takes two to tango! Honestly, I slept with my DH of 13 years on the day we met....if he's really into you, having sex early really isn't a big deal. In the case of DH and I, it simply proved to me that he doesn't have double standards. The kind of guy who will judge you for having sex with him is so NOT the kind of guy you want to date.

What you do have to question however is why you would give him another chance after ignoring you for 3 months. It's totally unforgivable behaviour on his part. Perhaps your self esteem needs a little work? (said in the nicest possible way)

Generally speaking: beware of guys with tempers...could you seriously imagine being married to someone who can ignore you for three months?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace