me vs. the ex'.s

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
me vs. the ex'.s
3
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 1:53am

my first boy friend ever! he's 25 i'm 19. he has had experience{w/ 2 others}, i have not. in the beginning he told me that he has alot of female friends..i didn't care at first ,but one of the significant 2 keeps calling him. he says they are just really good friends now. this girl calls him leaving messages saying..."i wish i can see you again, my friend and i want you to come play with us again"{that day they had went river rafting together}..."i'm wearing nothing hehe"...this is his ex who he regrets ever having sex with.{not to mention she lives in KY} but still picks up the phone to say hi to her{but hates her} i know he is very kind hearted and could never turn anyone away...the kind of guy that would give the shirt off his back to anyone.

my boyfriend and i were hanging out at my house when this girl calls again....i pick it up this time. i say that he's out at the moment...i ask who's calling...she says "his girlfriend"....{dead silence} then she says, almost stumbling over these words "is...this...his...g/f?" and, i pissed off right then, said "yea....it is"....she replys..."well i was just wanting to see what u guys were up to"...just have him call me later"...i hung up.

he has told this girl that he has found someone new,{obviously she doesn't care, cause she calls at least 3 times a week}. she called yesturday but he didn't pick up.{good thing} but given more time i know he will again.

i have been dating him for 6 months now{1/2 a year} and he still see's no problem in talking to his ex.'s cause they are "just friends"

everyone that i have talked to says "leave him" "he's still attached"
and it's not like i can throw it back in his face cause he's my first!
what should i do? i have told him that it pisses me off everytime he ever mentions his ex.'s. because you know when he talks about what he has done, to even describe it he has to picture it in his mind while he's talking to me. it irratates me so much deep down, i'll tear up in the car and he won't even know it.it hurts me to even think thats he's thinking of his regretful past and wants to forget it when i'm sitting next to him and having a conversation.

he says he loves me everyday and would never go back to this girl{or anypast g/f}.
but talking to her isn't helping me believe him.
i seriously don't know what my next move should be towards him, without having him run out on me{cause i love him to death, just a major set back with the ex.'s}. HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:34am
If you are not happy and don't feel valued, then it doesn't matter how much communication he has with his ex or any other girl. You need to be cautious, he is not putting your feelings first here and doesn't seem to want to change. He is showing you who he is, you need to see it. Even with all the good qualities he has, #1 should be that he cares about you. You need to remember that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 12:50pm
I don't think that this guy is taking you very seriously and it is unfair to you. It's one thing to be friends with an ex and there is another to allow them to flirt with you. Maybe he still keeps these girls as friends b/c he can sleep with them and so whynot string them along. Men at that age keep sex in high regard! I do not trust this friendship card at all. You need to give him an ultimatum and be able to handle your end of it as well. Best of luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 6:35pm

I'm going to go a different way than the other posters have been. I don't think there's anything to worry about.

I realize that exes are scary. They have a way of seeming "larger than life" and you compare yourself to them. But remember one very important thing - they are exes. Probably for a good reason. If your BF did not leave his ex for you, you have every reason to believe that their relationship ended for some very important reason. He is with you now, and obviously cares about you. Does that mean he shouldn't have any friends of the opposite sex? Who he used to be involved with? No. They obviously spent some time together - is it so impossible to believe that while they were not right for each other romantically, they did have a friendship?

I think she may be a little cuckoo, and she may in fact be trying to get him back. But how he handles that is what's important. Nothing you've said about him raise any red flags for me. He just sounds like a nice guy.