Missed that good time with him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Missed that good time with him...
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 10:16pm

This year has been a very hurtful one for myself BUT through all of it,I was reminded of a good time spent with someone in my life through that terrible time between 2009-2013...although 2013 hopefully is the end of my sadness...BUT in 2011...I actually was blessed to meet this man who ended up being my bf if only for a little over 1 month.He was in town due to his job.He actually lived in the next state.Anyways I actually met him while I was at my club I always go to.I  feel that would have been 'the one' for me IF he had lived in my city. I spent basically 3 weeks with this guy going all over the place. We had talked about the people who had made us feel like crap...I opened myself to him emotionally and although he lived out of state...we decided to try the LDR thing...well once he went back home it ended later.But yesterday I decided to just say hello to him and we ended up talking about the good memories that we had the time he was hear. I told him that if he ever is back in town....to visit me.

The thing is, I feel that I actually met the person that is right for me.It's hard to explain but I can only say that he acted the way I have been looking for a man to act towards me.He respected me, he made me feel very special.Through all the time he was here, I as usual was going through alot of ups and downs with jobs.I felt embarrassed.Also for the 1st time since that fiasco with the exfwb thing and me still pining over that...this man actually came into my life and I NEVER thought about the other person that whole time! I mean I wasn't pining for that other person. I actually was falling for this new guy.I wonder if I will ever find someone like that again who will come into my life...anyways so yesterday he sent me 2 pics of us together and it really brought back very good memories and I will for ever be thankful that I met him when I did...only now I"m wondering if he's still in a relationship.Awhile back when I had FB...I had looked him up a few times and I saw that he was with someone. So last night during our back and forth e-mails I did ask him..so what have you been up to? Maybe hoping that he will divulge that little piece of info...I don't know.Maybe it's wishful thinking.I tell you...if I could get a chance again with him...I would take it..but most people don't like LDR because you dont get to see the other person that much.PLUS I too like having someone to cuddle with basically everynight....Has anyone ever met someone in their life that really put a huge smile on your face?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 11-19-2013 - 11:52pm

We've all met that special someone once, or maybe twice, or even more.  But if they don't stay in our lives, then they're not special enough!  First you were miserable over a breakeup of a FWB......and then you met Mr.Wonderful from out of town, and you got over FWB very quickly.  You spent one month with this guy.  Now you're pining over this guy......for TWO years?  Again, if it was meant to be, it would have been.  If he'd wanted you in his life, you would have gone with him when it was time for him to leave......but I'm guessing that he had someone already, back at home, and that's why you couldn't go back with him.  So he wasn't so Mr.Wonderful.....he was using you while he was there.....and then he went back to his real life!  Of course everything was great.  It was a one month fling!  Every one is wonderful for a month or two or three......until the real person comes out, then you find out they're just like everyone else......with problems and flaws.

We've all met guys like that......easy to talk to, fun to be with......but we also look at reality.  They're married, they're in a relationship, they're leaving town shortly, so we enjoy the moment, and then we move on.  That's what you need to learn to do.......when something is over, it's over and you move on with your life.  Sulking, being miserable and unhappy.....fixes nothing.  Life goes on, and smart people choose to go on with it.  If you want a happy life, only YOU can make it happy.  Don't look for a man to do it for you.  And guess what.......happy people attract happy people.  Good people attract good people. 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 11-22-2013 - 9:13pm

 Almost all of us humans has a memory of he great experience we let slip thru our fingers.  It is the same as a road not traveled.  They make good lessons and memories.  But it is almost impossible to recapture that moment in time.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 12-04-2013 - 6:28pm

Can't say I have. I've met men in my life who's filled some role in retrospect. Of course at the time I knew the man I thought he was the one. There was one I met while in school. I thought all the signs in the universe was telling me this was the one. He was sweet and wonderful but not interested in me enough to turn a match made in heaven a reality.

Then just last year I met a man from Belgium. Other than the huge distance, I thought he could be the one. Well, wrong again. I still have hope of someday meeting the right man but I tell you I try not to idealize the man so much. It's when you don't have the person that wonderful aspects of the r/s get magnified. We all need that feeling you know. I still talk to him regularly. Sorta a LD friend. He doesn't care enough to visit me. I feel he doesn't care to visit and don't want to pay for me to visit, so status quo.

anyway, each of these people fufill a certain place in my life. As long as I don't look to them as the one, it's OK. I think if the man is meant to be, you can make the distance work. Seriously. You will make it work. he's not the one at least for now unless circumstances change.

As surely as the sun will rise again, you will meet someone else who will make you heart flutter and make you smile with warmth when you think about him and he will feel the same way about you. Now that's one that's meant to be.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 2:21am

I just came on here  to hear other people's stories about that certain someone that made them smile or that they had a good time with.I am not pinning over my friend.Some people are so quick to put a negative spin on things sometimes when it's just reminiscing....I was just thinking one day about how I had a good time with him and decided to e-mail him to say hi.He was not in a relationship when I met him.I had made up my mind earlier that week that I was going to just take one day at a time and that's when I met him.I didn't plan anything....The reason it didn't work was because of the distance..I believe it's 6 or 8 hours away is our distance and also I  knew that 1 month wasn't enough time to really get to know someone but most people don't want to be in a LDR and I told him that I would understand.I do understand that for some if you really cared enough about someone, you would want to make it work BUT because it was such a short time..we just didn't have that time.We all at times think about good memmories from our past and that was all this was about...nothing else.I don't call it a fling either because it wasn't meaningless.If I ever got a 2nd chance..I would take it. Why can't someone do that without people thinking that you're looking for a man to make you happy?Like we don't know that we have to make ourselves happy first?I know that already.I'm sorry but before I met this man I had decided to just let things be.I was at peace and that's when this person came into my life and it's a good memmory that I'm happy to have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 12-18-2013 - 6:05pm

Hi honestgirl

I understand how you feel. I actually have been feeling a bit like that about my x-bf right now. I think when you had a connection with someone, and you currently don’t have anyone, and you’re in loving state of mind, that’s how you feel. You remember the good things about him, the good times together. You  idealize the person, and you don’t think about all the reasons why it didn’t  work and  you have the fuzzy feeling and a big smile on your face when you think about the good things. It’s a good feeling to have. Who wouldn’t want that?

I’ve been in lovelornmood for a couple of months now. I .don’t know if’s it the holiday season or what. It brings back memories of past holidays and good times. We were creating our own traditions together.  Adding to the heartache is the fact I’ve been sick and have been staying home. Watching those HGTV shows where all the couples starting a life, buying a house together makes me feel sad. Even nature shows intensify my longing. Love just seem so basic, so fundamental. Why can’t I have it?

So I get it and I can go on and on. When my x-bf broke up with me time before last. In a short three months, I met the Belgian man. I was so happily infatuated that all thoughts of my x-bf just vanished. But that R/S didn’t work out either. Then after that roller coaster. I came back to my bf only to quickly becoming unhappy again. He broke up with me in august.

 I have a tendency to hang on to someone too long. What can I say, I’m a sentimental person.  If any man has shown any love and kindness to me (even the ones who were less kind but somehow triggered my love circuit, like the Belgian man), he just lingers. It’s especially hard b/c my x-bf was a good person. Just in july, after my appendectomy, he waited on me hand and foot, never left my side.  

But I don’t want to rehash it. I only want to sympathize with you by sharing.  I’ve been thinking about it but really don’t want to talk about it ad nauseum.

I tell myself too that sometimes that how R/S are. The connection was there but now it’s gone at least on his side.  I don’t know if he feels the same still about me? If I feel this strongly, shouldn’d he be lready on the phone calling me? Do my feelings arise from loneliness or true soul connection? I really don’t know. It’s all very confusing to me.

Then I think about all the men that I bypassed just b/c I was pining for someone who was not interested in me.  Then I’m thinking I’m wasting my time reliving the past.

So there, I told my story but it makes me feel even sadder even though I know in the past, someone would come along, it would take a long long while and I’m not getting any younger, I still feel a depth of despair.   I wonder often if I will ever find love.