Mother hates boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mother hates boyfriend
1
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 12:23am

My bf and I are 8yrs apart and we are soon to be engaged (just waiting for it anyday now!). When my mum and my bf first met they really hit it off. She was really happy for me and could tell from all I was saying and everthing they had discussed that the relationship is serious and that he will be around for a long timne to come.

One day mum just decided she doesn't like him anymore, she won't even let him in the house. I am wondering if it is because of the age gap (i'm 22, he's 30). I never really tld ger how old he was until she actually asked, which was about 2/3 weeks after I met him.

I just don't get it. How can one day mum be all 'he sounds great, definatly a keeper, we had a great chat while we were waiting for you' and the next she wants him away completly. HELP!!! I don't want them to have a bad relationship as she has't liked any of my bf's. I want my bf to fell comfortable at family gatherings esp when the kds do eventually come along.

Any advice would be great.

Cheers

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 8:00am

Ask her what gives, why the sudden change of heart? Maybe she does have a good reason, maybe it's just the age thing. The only way to find out is to talk to her.

It soounds like you get along pretty well with your Mom and you care what she thinks so find out. You're an adult and ulitmately it's your descion to make. Hopefully, she'll respect that, but you'll probbaly both feel better if you talk it out and address any concerns she has.

If it's the age thing, well speaking from my own experiences I can see her point. I knwo when I was in my twenties and dating older guys I found myself saying things like, "Well, it's okay because I'm mature for my age and he's kind of immature for his age." In retrospect this is NOT a good thing. I wound up feeling like the only grown up. I also caught myself looking for a man whoa little older and in marrying mode because I was running a bit behind schedule, after all I was supposed to be married by 25.

I discovered that old song, "You can't hurry love." Well, it makes a valid point. I had no trouble finding men who wanted ot get married but the appeal of marrying them wore off when I discovered that men too have biological clocks and that they were in marrying mode nad anyone could fit the bill. I was just convenient.

That isn't to say that age differences are bad or that you and your bf and the exception for the rule, just use your head listen to your Mom with an open mind and think before you jump into anything. Love may be a many splendor thing but it also has a way of messing with our good judgement. Just be sure it isn't messing with yours.