MY BF ONLINE CHATTING W/ MY CO-WORKER!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
MY BF ONLINE CHATTING W/ MY CO-WORKER!
2
Thu, 05-30-2013 - 10:01pm

Hello Everyone,

 

 I started dating this guy for a few months and we’ve decided that we want to be in a committed relationship as a couple.  I’m booked for a vacation to fly out of the country with him and a few of my co-workers. I introduced him to a few of my co-workers last month and he happened to really think my young (married) co-worker was very funny and cool. (She known in the office for having a bubbly, spunky, humorous personality) He openly asked this co-worker in front of me what her instant messenger name was to chat online and she encouraged me to chat with my bf online while we are at work b/c she does it w/ her friends and it makes the day go by faster. He asked me really quick if it was ok while my co-workers were talking amongst themselves and I agreed reluctantly because I didn’t want to look like I was jealous to him.

 

The problem is: He online chats with her and me while we are at work at the same time. If I go to her desk she says me and your bf chatted this morning and last night, He’s so stupid she playfully says (which I don’t like). I read one of the recent conversations that she openly decided to show me in which they call each other “Bro & Sis” and are talking about how excited they are about our vacation and she mentioned to him that she is graduating from school and he said that we would get her something. He doesn’t initate to tell me when he chats with her or what they talk about . I told him last week that I feel uncomfortable that they online chat and he told me he would stop talking to her but he views her as a lil sister and she is married & he "sees no big deal about it."and he told me before she’s not his type. When she showed me their recent convo, she wrote to him while I was standing there to say I was present and he wrote back to her to tell me that he misses me. After that convo, I told him a second time that I feel uncomfortable about them chatting but he nonchalantly says “what’s really the problem” she’s married” and he made me feel like I was telling him what to do.

 

Should I be upset that they are chatting with each other or he wants to be friendly with her since he thinks she’s cool and we are all going on vacation so he wants to be friendly w/ everyone. I haven’t told her how I felt b/c I feel like I don’t want to give her any satisfaction that I’m jealous. The relationship that I have w/ her and him are still new and I feel betrayed b/c now I feel he doesn’t want to stop talking to her now after he already has her login info and we are going on vacay.  I'm concerned that they are going to chat again. This will be the 3RD TIME, I'll let him know how I feel.

 Am I justified for feeling angry? How should I handle this situation???

 

Things to note:

 

-This co-workers is in her early 20s and I’m in my early 30 yrs  and so is my boyfriend.

-I feel like my relationship is great with him (MINUS THIS SITUATION)

-I’ve only known her for a couple of months at work.

-I noticed that he takes 15-20 mins to respond to me on online chat but he writes her back in a few seconds when I’m standing there reading his quick responses.

-He told me in the past ppl have told him that he’s too nice

-He is very generous and has his own place, nice car & great job

-I’ve met his family,

-He introduced me to his child

-He’s helping me to move out of my apartment soon into a new one

-We are going on vacation together

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sat, 06-01-2013 - 9:44am

She's being competative with you for your boyfriend's attention, basically showing you that she means more to him than you do.  He's bolstering that notion by his being readily available to chat with her, but not with you. That is not cool.  He's giving her a place in your relationship in which she, as a coworker--despite how "cool" she may be--does not belong. 

You have every right not to want your coworkers all up in your personal business.  He's telling her things that are not fit for her to know about you two. There is no way in hell that I could believe that he doesn't discuss you with her or that she hasn't brought you up, trying to mine for information.

In the first place, were I running your company, she'd be fired for effing off on company time. She's not being paid to chat with her friends all day to make the time go by faster--she's being paid to do a job and if she doesn't have enough to do, then that needs to be remedied.  Perhaps she needs to be suggested for taking on more projects at work so she doesn't have the time to waste all day chatting on line. 

BTW--do not take this girl's advice to sit up and chat all day.  That is the fastest road to being fired. I'm sure the company is watching the usage on their computers and building their case to fire her.

As to your boyfriend: how would he like it if you became "besties" with one of his most competative male coworkers?  How would he like it if you and this guy were chatting all day long and you were ignoring your boyfriend's messages and answering his coworker's messages immediately?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2013
Sun, 06-02-2013 - 6:30am

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