My Man is driving me crazy!! Please Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
My Man is driving me crazy!! Please Help
5
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 12:42am

Hello Everyone,

This might be a little long but I am so confused!!!! Let me start out by saying that all I wanted to find was a good guy that truly loved me, my past relationships were really bad, and i do not compare my current man to my ex's. My guy loves me more than anything and he wants to marry me!!!1 But he wants to be with me 24/7!!!! He gets so mad if I want to have a night to myself. And out sex life sucks because not only does he anyalze every single little detail of our relationship he also anyalzes our sex life!! And he wants to be around me so much that I really don't want to be around him. I know that he won't do anything to hurt me like lie or cheat but hes driving me nuts!!! And to top it off his father flips out about everything and now I am starting to notice it in him. He gets upset about everything and he makes me feel that I ruin his day (everyday) when soemthing doesnt go how he likes it. And he always wants to know my feelings but when I tell him my feelings; that are I am sick of fighting and anyalzing every part of everyday; he gets mad at me and we fight more. He doesnt even realize that he gets mad and gives me and attitude and fight every topic. I have known this guy for a long time and he is a great guy, but even his family notices that he has never been so possessive about a girl before. I know that this is a long confusing message but I am so confused!!!!!! Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. Please help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 1:00am
There are red flags going up like crazy around this guy. Control has nothing to do with love. Marriage usually makes things get alot worse. His behavior is not normal and you should NOT think about marriage. Also, since all your relationships have been bad up till now (and this one is bad too,) you have to step back and realize that all these guys had one thing in common---you. For some reason you keep picking guys that will give you a bad time. Often we see the warning signs and ignore them. What you really need is time to yourself WITHOUT a boyfriend so you can think through why you keep hooking up with problem men. Unless you understand yourself you will keep picking the wrong guys for life. I wish you luck and the best thing you could do for YOU is drop this fellow fast.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 12:14pm
The other poster is right. Controlling you like this is a major warning sign and it will not get better as time goes by. He's using his insecurity to make you feel insecure, too. He doesn't love you, he posesses you. Ask yourself a few questions... do you get to choose how you spend your time? Do you often find yourself waiting till you talk to him to know how you're going to feel? Do you find yourself afraid to make simple choices (like what to wear or what to eat) because he may not like it? If the answer is yes or even maybe to any of these questions, you are in an abusive -or potentially abusive, at best- relationship.
You need to get out of this, and all, relationships for a while and stand on your own. Figure out why you make the choices you do. You said all you want is for someone to truly love and care about you but unless you're doing this for yourself, you have no way of identifying what healthy love and care is about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 12:54pm
I agree that most of the times a guy like that can't change. But I'm proof that a relationship like that can work out. My guy used to be like that but about a year ago he did a complete 180 when I made him realize that he was acting too controlling. We now give eachothere space and only see eachother about 2 or 3 times a week, we've never had more fun with eachother than now. I'm soo happy and I am proud of him for maturing and changing his life for the better. You could give your guy a ultimatum, either tell him to give you the space you need and if he's not willing than it's best to end it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 1:48pm

lorenamaria,

I think you have answered your own question. I'm sure your man is a great guy - but he may not be the guy for you. Apparently, he is displaying some behavior that is not at all compatible with your values in a relationship. Someone else may be more tolerant - but apparently he is just getting on your nerves. Also, the fact that he is displaying some anger issues that you recognize in his father is a red flag. This will not get better by itself - and I don't know of anyone who "changed" for a girlfriend or boyfriend. Only until they recognize the problem themselves can a change be made and then the chances are slim. I have a vast amount of long-term dating experience and have encountered many different personalities. I hope you pay attention to your gut feelings and not your heart when thinking about this situation.

Thanks. Mcfeathers

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 11:46am
Dear Lorena Maria, Oh Sweetie wakeup before it's too late. Your man is too obsessed with you. You are feeling it already. Pay attention to those red flags is right.And remeber the saying the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree can be very true. Your man is way too controlling, these behaviors will often grow into a much bigger problem down the road. Space is needed big time. In order for a relationship to grow you must accept a person for being an individual in their own right. If your man is always suffocating you how will you grow into the person you need to be. This guys has a lot to learn about himself as well.Good Luck and remember you are important.