My mother and the beach bag

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
My mother and the beach bag
6
Sun, 06-07-2009 - 8:34pm

I sent myself into a deep depression over a stupid BEACH BAG tonight....my mother says to me...well, Missy when I die....there is one thing that you and only you can have....don't get excited.....and she brings me over to a "beach bag".


The beach bag has our last name embroided on the front of it "Straton"....It took me a few minutes but what she meant by it is...


One of my sisters kept her married name "Palumbo" and my other sister kept her married name "Salema" and may have another married name shortly because she just moved a guy into her house after dating him for about a month and she WANTS TO MARRY HIM.


Here I am...dreamed since I was a little girl of being married....stayed in a 20 year relationship that ended 3 years ago...in the begining of the relationship we wanted to get married but were too poor and my family wasn't going to pay for the wedding because they didn't like him...(well, he beat me up all the time and he wasn't responsible..didn't help pay bills etc..)


I'm with someone now that I would like to marry...its been 2.5 years since we have started dating...I've known him for almost 3.5 years....I DONT KNOW if he wants to get married.....I've told him this story about me ALWAYS wanting to get married...he does talk about us growing old together...he is moving in in November...we have talked about living together for a while (but he has never said I WANT TO MARRY YOU)..he came close on a fishing trip last year

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 11:16am

Stop worrying about your beach bag story and more about your desire to see if he wants to get married.

Another thing is that you need to stop worrying about getting engaged or married to this guy. It's either he does or doesn't and right now he doesn't. Plus you should probably be the one moving in with him, and getting engaged and not the other way around.

Honestly it doesn't seem like he's interested in marriage at this point and only about the relationship.

There's some bigger things you need think about right now...

If I were you, and you were so keen about getting married soon, ask him again before he moves in. Think about if he can support you financially if he moves in with you. If he's not interested in marrying you, then why in the world are you letting him move in?

You have 2 options...

If he says he's not interested or avoids the question, then you shouldn't be moving in with him...PERIOD! Make your point to him and stick with instead of accepting the situation for what it is. OR...you can accept the situation for what it is and keep hoping and wishing while time passes you by. I would choose the first one. Remember that you are worth a lot more, and if he's not interested in marrying you or anyone...it's time to move on!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 1:04pm

This advice: PERFECT

Especially: "If he says he's not interested or avoids the question, then you shouldn't be moving in with him...PERIOD!"

No joke about that one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 8:11pm

Why don't you say what you really think?

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 4:31pm

Misssy,


Welcome back! Sweetpea gave you some good advice. I know seeing that bag with your maiden name on it has brought up some thoughts on marriage for you, but since you will be moving in with him soon, it could be a good idea to get this out in the open before hand.


Be direct, and keep it simple. Let him know how you feel, (calmly) and let him tell you how he feels. At this point, since you do eventually want to get married this conversation needs to be had. I know you are hoping for him to come up on his own, but he may or he may not. I think its up to you.


Please talk to him, either way you will feel better knowing where you stand. Please keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 9:09pm

Thank you, tonight he mentioned me being "close' to him in an OPEN AA meeting...this is the first time he has acknowledged a relationship with me..everyone can see it...we've been in the same meeting every Tuesday for almost 3 years...sitting next to each other, we set up the meeting together....etc....everyone KNOWS but he actually spoke about our closeness and how I tell him when he is OFF the beam of practicing the program.


I will probably bring it up this weekend....because although I have my issues....everyone deserves to work toward what they want in life....and I happen to want to be close with someone and be married...if he happens to want something different...I need to know!


Thanks again.

Missy
Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 10:44am

I'm glad that he is able to communicate his feelings about you to the people around you. That just shows how much he cares. :)


I think its a good idea to bring up the topic, because you are right, everyone does deserve what they work toward in life. Good Luck and let us know how it goes!