my own Serendipity

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
my own Serendipity
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 9:11pm

I've been on and off with this guy Joe since January 2012 and I just found out that his parents were born on the same day of the month but different months and years just like us!!!!  His birthday is in March so I found out 3 months after we met that we're both the same day, but I'm October.  I just love things like that.... but I know for sure it's NOT meant to be  :-(

brief summary:

I broke up with him in April because that is when I joined his Facebook and saw that he's still friends with his ex.  She posts on his Facebook a lot.  They dated 4 years and have mutual friends so he sees her and he's tagged in all these pics.  He also confessed he needs a green card.  I still liked him though but had to end it, however.....

We became friends with benefits in May but I stopped seeing him when I had 3 dates each with 2 guys.  I didn't like them (they deserve their own thread here on ivillage), so I told Joe in July that I liked him again, said I was no longer concerned with his ex.  Then with the green card thing, I'm 37 and sometimes I feel so lonely and think I may not meet anyone else and I could settle for Joe - but I really like him, honest, I won't be settling, but he gives me butterflies in my stomach - there's something about his green eyes and his smile.........

So when I told him I liked him, he brought up the subject of children. I forgot this but he remembered that I mentioned I want to buy a one bedroom co-op because it's cheaper, and he said what about 2 bedrooms in case you have any kids?   Then I said "Oh I probably won't want them"........  so he rejected me and we remained FWB's - but then I ended it because I really liked him and it was torture for me.

Then I got over Joe (because I had a few dates with this other guy who never called after the 4th date because I said no to sex or he just didnt' like me).  I requested Joe on Facebook again, and he denied me, so I emailed him to say hi, and good luck with everything.  He texted me a month later and sex never came up in the convo, but when we met up it happened after dinner...  none of us talked about the children thing......  I'm really starting to like him again and have to tell him I can't see him and can't be friends anymore.  I will tell him not to contact me again.  What I REALLY want to say is "Call me if you change your mind about kids."  But I wouldnt' dare say that!!!!

I'm wondering why he contacted me again after denying me on Facebook and knowing I don't want kids and he does....  he probably just wanted sex........  right?   thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 10:25pm

Yes, I think you said it all--he probably just wanted sex with a familiar person & knew you would say yes--much easier than having to go to a bar and meet someone new & have to convince the girl to go home with him.  I don't mean to be harsh, but if you know the guy is not for you (he wants kids & you don't, he needs a green card)--then stop contacting him.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 10:25pm

  FWB is working.  But this guy is not FWB material.  He has another agenda.  So that has to go.  Next a new lover.  Someone who is happy with not having kids.  If you are online put that in.  Yes it will help cut out those that do  want kids (but remember the players will use that to get to you). 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2010
Thu, 01-03-2013 - 7:08am

thanks, you are both right, however, since I've known this guy for almost a year, don't I owe it to myself for the sake of closure to say I can't be his friend anymore?  I never stopped liking him (still do). I really need closure and the only way is for me to see him in person and tell him.    If I"m going to forget him, I don't need to have him texting me for hook up dates. I have to tell him it's over and don't want to do it by email or texting.


long story - but it's done and I got my closure