Need advice about an EX
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| Tue, 11-29-2005 - 4:42pm |
Okay,
First of all I would really appreciate any advice you can give me. I'll try to give a little background information first:
I've been dating my ex for three years and during this time we have broken up a couple of times and gotten back together. He is also 15 years older than I am. (Not sure if this is relevant).
Okay, about three months ago I ended things with him after I found out he was seeing someone else while we were still going out. He still denies this, but I have good reason to believe he was cheating on me (phone calls from this other woman - I actually spoke to her). Anyway, we went three months without speaking, emailing, or seeing each other.
So two weeks ago he shows up at my door. I was completely shocked. He was probably the last person I would have expected to see. He said he wanted to see how I was doing and we ended up talking for nearly two hours. We both have a lot going on - I'm about to graduate with my master's degree in two weeks - and he just lost his job due to downsizing. The problems with his job may cause him to relocate, I'm not sure.
Yes, we talked that day, but only enough to confuse me. And only about mundane things. Here I was moving on, or so I thought and then he shows up. But I did/do love him...he was a lot of things to me, and we went through so much.
So what do I do?? He looked terrible and kept saying how much he cares about me. He has my phone number again, but hasn't called me. Do I try to contact him or just let it be??

Let it be...I would bet a lot of money he's looking for you to offer to take him in and take care of him. His pride probably won't let him *ask*, but he'd sure take you up on your offer. Don't go there.
Sheri
Thanks for your comments. I would consider trying to work things out with him because I do have so much invested in the relationship. Of course this has caused problems before (we've been going back and forth for three years).
I'd really like to sit down and have a real conversation with him, but he's not usually a fan of that. But am I just supposed to randomly call him up? It was pretty random how he just showed up at my house two weeks ago. I just don't know if that is what he wants. That's what is so confusing!
Hey there - talking it out is the best solution but it's the when to do it is the question... if you wait it out to see what he does you won't put any extra pressure on him to have the 'talk'.. he may come to you first. But on the other hand, if you're like myself (and most women!) you will probably think about it evrery day until you do talk to him. So to spare yourself the agony of thinking about it , it's probably best to just call him up and say that since he stopped by you've been thinking about things again and you'd like to go for a coffee or something to chat. Let us know what you decide!!!
My ex & I were back & forth as well & once I left him 4 like 2 months,he came back proclaiming his undying love. Despite my doubts & the hurt he caused me he seemed so true 2 his feelings that I took him bk. The only thing was that he left me after 2 months saying that things werent the same mind u they were better! I was devastated b/c I thought he meant & was ready 2 mk us wk. My father, a man who rarely gives advise told me the following & I wish he would have told me earlier b/c it's so true so I hope it helps you....
There was a great division of the land & all of the animals needed 2 get across the body of water in order 2 survive. The frog prepared 2 leap across the body of water freely when all of a sudden he heard a voice in great despair. He turned 2 find a tarantula. The tarantula asked the frog if he could pls allow him 2 travel on his back in order 2 get across the water. The frog initially said no. The frog said what guarantee do I have that u will not bite & kill me? The tarantula said u have my word, please! The tarantula said I will do anything just please don't leave me here alone.The frog gave in & told the tarantula 2 jump on his back. The frog got 2 the other side of the water & told the tarantula that he could get off now. The tarantula then bit the frog & said u should know better. The frog asked why he would bite him after he saved him & the tarantula answered u should know better than 2 trust a desperate voice who would say or do anything in a time of desperation.
The moral of the story is that when people are desperate 2 gain something they'll say & do whatever it takes but once they get what they want they will go back 2 their old ways.
Goodluck!
Thank you to everyone who has posted a comment and their own personal ex tales.
Obviously I've been giving this a lot of thought and it does appear that the negatives outweight the positives. I'd love to believe he could change, but since I've been through this several times before with him already, I don't think he is able to. Reading your comments and having that reassurance has been helpful. I'm going to keep moving ahead without him.
Thanks so much!