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| Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:37am |
post deleted. thank you.
Edited 10/6/2006 3:10 pm ET by marcephne
Edited 10/6/2006 3:10 pm ET by marcephne
| Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:37am |
Now, this is just my opinion on the situation. You have a job lined up that will allow you travel across the country and do something you can not do where you are. You have a guy who is swishy washy on what he wants and you know he has commitment issues. Hmm, which to choose? Seems really simple. You have a relationship that from reading the posts seems exhausting. You’re good then bad and every time you argue he chickens out and just wants to end because you disagree. Then, he doesn’t want children and you do. Why waste your time with someone who may never change their mind on the situation? What if you stay and you’re together for 10 yrs and you begin to have those baby urges and he still doesn’t want children and you have to go out and find someone who does and start the whole dating process over to find and marry someone who wants what you want.
GO! Do your thing! Pick the best job for you and leave. If he wants you enough and you can work things out, he'll go be with you.
But in my opinion, your relationship dynamic sounds troubled. People who argue and throw in the towel don't have what it takes for the long run. It is probably not you with the problem. It sounds like him and he'll have to fix it to make a relationship work.
Remember, you have to get rid of the old to find the new!!
Chick
I know how it is to deal with an ex who comes back in the picture, I'm dealing with one myself. With that said, let me tell you about where I was a year ago..
I had ended a relationship (a different guy, not the ex I'm talking to again) and I just needed to get away to somewhere new and start over, I picked Chicago, 800 miles away. I didn't know anyone here, had no job etc. I moved here and it was the best decision I could have ever made. Even though a year later I am now wanting to move back home, I am still very torn about whether to leave because of the friends I've made, and opportunities I have here. Not that my hometown doesn't have opportunities, it's in a big city as well but a new place always has new things to offer. I've decided to move home though and see how I feel about being back there, and if I want to move back to Chicago then I will in the Spring.
With that in mind, I would accept the job and move, but hopefully it is somewhere you would want to live as well, being in a place you like is more important than the job alone (in my opinion at least). Give it some time in a new city and if you feel like moving back then home will always be there, that is what I told myself before I moved when I was having last minute worries. If this guy is serious about you then he will still be around in a few months. The worst thing you can do is pass up a job that you know will definitely not be there again for a guy who could come and go and has proven he will.
Sometimes you have to go far away to come back to where you started (you never know) but I think you will really regret not having the journey and experience if you stay just for this guy. There is a reason you've been wanting a change, just like when I wanted to move, I definitely think you should do it.
Edited 10/6/2006 4:19 pm ET by marcephne
Well, I will say this, the best "revenge" is simply moving on with your life and having him be no further consideration to you. To go out of your way to talk to him and attempt to hurt his feelings only shows that you still care about him enough to feel the need to do that. In my opinion, it only continues this crazy ride you've put yourself into. If I were you I would just walk away, leave him a message if you want but believe me just going ahead and moving on will send a louder message to him that you want nothing to do with him. He is also also making you look a little bit foolish because he isn't even caring enough to let you have your chance to talk to him, he keeps breaking the plans and coming up with excuses.
You have to find the closure on your own, most people don't have the chance to have sweet revenge at an ex who wronged them and if that's what you're waiting for, you could be waiting a long time. I didn't wait for my ex to realize that he'd broken up with a great girl, I just moved on and he probably realized it at some point on his own. I did send him a goodbye email though, it wasn't mean in any way, it just said that I was moving to Chicago and that I wished him the best of luck.
Just be excited about your new job and forget about this idiot altogether.