need advice..please

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
need advice..please
8
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 12:43pm
There is this guy that I have been involved with for a while now. It all started about 6 years ago, but he had a gf at the time. His sister and I are best friends, so I would stay at her house and he was always there also. So one night, I was at his sisters house and she and I had been drinking, so I was a little drunk. So that night I was laying on the couch with him and he kissed me, this was the first time he had ever made a move on me. Well I ended up sleeping in his bed that night ( we didn't have sex) we just cuddled. So this ended up becoming a regular thing between us but he still had a gf. So about 2 years later he and his gf ended up breaking up and I was so happy because I thought he would end up with me, but I was wrong, the same thing continued. We would do stuff but we still had never had sex, which was fine with me. So about a year later he ended up going out with this girl and they was together for almost 3 years, but he and I still continued to fool around, but this girl he was dating, she and I ended up becoming good friends, because his sister,me, and her would always hang out together. So I felt somewhat guilty about what was going on, even though we still hadn't had sex, but we did everything else. It was like any chance he would get to sneak around with me he would and this was in his house, so she would be there because they lived together, and anytime they would fight he would come to me. So when they broke up he told his sister to call me because he wanted me to come over, but I couldn't because I was very sick, but when I did get the chance to go over we finally had sex. So we've been sleeping together since then, which its been 7 months. I know he still has feelings for her but I know he has feelings for me to and when we're together like when I stay at his house with him the things that he does is so sweet. So my question is, are we friends with benefits or more, since this has been going on for so long. I know I should find a way to get over him, but I can't because I like him so much. I just don't know what to do..Any advice I would appreciate greatly.Also I'm sorry that this was so long.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 12-18-2005 - 8:40pm
You've been dancing on this man's string for years now, and you still don't see that he's a liar and a cheat. You'd better hope he doesn't make your relationship official, because as soon as he does, you'll be the one he's cheating ON rather than the one he's cheating WITH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 8:59am
Yes, I know that he is a cheating liar. That's why I would never want to make our relationship offical, but if he ever wanted to make it offical, I most likely would because I like him so much. I just can't seem to move on. He also gets really jealous when I'm with other guys, but he expects me to sit around and wait for him..I'm just so tired of it, I don't know why he does this to me. I know he likes me, he has told me that, but if he liked me, like he says he does, then why hasn't he ever made anything offical?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:06pm
He's playing you BIG TIME...He has learned he can have his cake and eat it to and it needs to end NOW! You are just asking for trouble and risking losing your friend (and maybe even 2 friends if your other friend - the guy's sister) doesn't know about it yet. You are wasting your time w/ this guy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 9:55pm
Hello Sweet Candey! ITA with Noksi. Sorry to say it, but he's playing you like a fiddle. Sweetie, you are allowing him to use you as a welcome mat. I don't know you guys ages (and really that doesn't matter) because the mats come in all ages. I truly hope this makes sense to you. The main thing is that you are being disrepected - BIG TIME and taken for granted. You're always in his corner - WHAT ABOUT YOU? You know he is a cheater and a liar - and you accept his behavior - and that's says a lot to me about you and YOUR SELF-RESPECT. Sorry if this seems a little harsh, but it's true, the most times the tuffest lessons are learned the hard way, by trial and error. That getting really jealous over guys paying you attention - it's not love - it's about control, he doesn't want to lose his good thang. Take care of yourself and I'll be praying for you. Okay would like to say more - but I got to go.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 8:22am
Yeah my friend (the guys sister) knows about this. She's known about it since this has all started. She's o.k with it, but she tells me the same thing that everyone else does. She tells me he's all for himself and that he doesn't care who he hurts, just as long as he gets what he wants.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Wed, 12-21-2005 - 8:26am
Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it very much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2006
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 7:51pm

Have you asked him? And are you prepared for the answer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 1:56pm

I have one question for you:

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