need help!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
need help!!!!!
4
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 11:03pm
My bf of almost 6 months told me two weeks ago today that he was breaking up with me because he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in a relationship. I think its total BS! I know you are thinking 6 months isn't a long time, but I have 2 kids ages 8 and 5. My kids love him and so does my family. We bowl together every other sunday and this makes for a difficult time. We went to dinner last sat. (my treat) to talk. He says he cares about me and wants to STAY FRIENDS, but we weren't just friends later that night. We have talked twice this week keeping the conversation simple, but I am dying inside. I miss him like crazy. How do I get my man back. I am trying to give him his space but I just want to scream at him will you get your act together and just tell me this was all a mistake.
Please tell me some advice I want this to work!
Jeannine
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 2:25am
"He cares about you" doesn't mean he loves you. He said he wants to stay "friends" with you is like asking for FWB and you agreed by sleeping with him after he broke up with you. I would accept defeat on this one and find me someone who would be a good husband and stepfather to my kids. You deserve a real man and don't settle for anything less.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 6:23pm
Well we talked last night and he said he still loves me and wants us to be back together. We are even celebrating our six month anniv. on the 26th! He said he just needs a little bit of space a few days a week. He is acting like the guy I met again. I am happy but I am also choosing to be a little cautious this time. I'm not going to act like we are the happy couple until I know things are totally fine. Thanks for the post, I too believe that I deserve the best and I guess we will have to wait and see if this is the best. I truely love him and feel that he loves me too. I guess its worth a shot!
Crossing my fingers *and toes too*,
Jeannine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 2:51pm
I also would like to add that you refrain having your children around him or acting as if you are a couple in front of them. I know this is just me but I have been dating a guy for 6 mos now and my son who is 8 has no clue we are dating. My son has met him and knows he is a friend. My boyfriend knows when my son is around there is no hugging, kissing etc. I have to protect him and anything under a year can be confusing to a child when the person does leave. I know for mine it would because he wants a stepdad like all his friends but he sees how some of their parents go about it and has a playmate that has had 4 step-dads in the 2 yrs he has known the boy and for the life of my son doesn't understand the reasoning of why and I am sure the little boy when he is talking about it doesn't fully understand why mom keeps bringing home so many new dads. Just my opinion and this is something I am very compassionate about and thought I may bring it up. I hope this wasn't to forward or like I am telling you how to go about. this is only a suggestion on my part.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 9:19pm
Marie,
I agree with you about not being touchy feely with him around the kids. They understand that we are "going out" which to them means that we spend time together and we are boyfriend/girlfriend. I have explained to them that we are kinda like really good friends. He was in a relationship where his girlfriend had two kids that he got very attached to, then when they broke up she no longer let them see him. They called him dad. He had a child with her. So the father figure was taken from all three children. We have both agreed that he will not be a father figure to them at this time. He doesn't discipline them he just gets to be the friendly person to play with and spend time with. I thank you for your input and that you are looking out for my kids emotions. I truely feel that you are a great person for your advice.
Thanks again,
Jeannine