Need input..single mom in LDR...trying to make it work..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011
Need input..single mom in LDR...trying to make it work..
8
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 3:20pm

Just wanted to post to see if anyone has been in this type of situation or has any advice. Im a single mom with 3 kids..one of which has come as a result of my LDR with my boyfriend of now 2 years. I am 40 yrs old and have only had 2 other long term relationships in my life..both of which I have a child from. So yes, I have 3 kids with different dads. First complication..lol..Anyways, my current boyfriend and I met online over 2 years ago, and at that point started a very slow process of getting to know each other through IM's, cam chats and phone calls. At about 8 months into the relationship, we met for the first time. He came up to NY to visit me, he lives in TX. We already knew we wanted to be together, and we had talked about him moving up here to live with me. A few months later I found out I was pregnant, and the visits continued every 6-8 weeks or so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I wouldn't necessarily think it would be terrible for you to leave the 7 yr old w/ his dad if he has a good father.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

Yes, it's selfish to leave any of your children in another state in order for you to pursue a love interest.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011

As a matter of fact yes..birth control did play a factor in all of them..thank you very much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011

Thank you for your input and concern..but we actually do know each other very well..being in a long distance realtionship when you cant be together all the time really forces you to get to know everything about each other. Then when you do meet in person, you can work on getting to know each other in person. And we actually have spent alot of time together..When he visits, he lives here with me for at least a month or more..then goes home for a couple weeks and comes back, so we have experienced living together. Now, I admit, it has not been all sunshine and roses, we have definitely had our setbacks, but we both realize that we want this to work and are just trying to find the best solution. Again, thank you for your openminded input :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I'm not judging. I'm just curious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

Its a difficult situation no matter what, and all anyone can do is offer opinions based on our own experiences and situations. Here' smy background and then my opinion...

My SO lives 5 hours away, and owns a business, so he can not move here (his kids are older, not an issue). Technically, I suppose I could move there, but my job (and health benefits) are here. My kids are 11 & 14, I can not see uprooting them at this point, as we have a lot of family in the area.

Are you selfish for wanting to be with him? Absolutely not. I wish every minute of every day that we were together. But I can;t change it at this point. It's a choice I make, and part of it is based on my kids.

I have a friend that married and moved here about a year ago, and left her daughter (age 14 or so) with the father, 2 or 3 hours away. I don;t know how she does it. She seems to be on such a roller coaster of emotions constantly.

Please don;t take any of this as judemental - it is your life, you have a baby with this man, and it is complicated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008

Have you asked your kids how they feel.... especially the 7 year old?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

I don't think this is a decision that should be left up to a 7 year old, I don;t think I would even ask their opinion.